halloweekend!
Nov. 2nd, 2025 06:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dramaturgisti feel like i have lived entire lifetimes within the last 2 days alone - so much life and whimsy packed into a singular weekend - and i'm trying to get back into the habit of blogging regularly - so i'm going to attempt to recount everything that happened to me this weekend & share some reflections/thoughts on halloween and other stuff
- it started with bad news on thursday. my dear friend mina was supposed to visit for halloween oomfchella and stay with me and i was SO excited because i haven't seen her in so long and miss her so so much. unfortunately it was freaking storming and her flight got cancelled twice and she ultimately wasn't able to make the trip :( i was so so sad and thought that meant this weekend would go horribly but i was luckily proven wrong. there was still this constant Lack next to me - from missing both mina & kubra - but it was less a gaping hole and more the same feeling of I Wish You Were Here that underscores everything i do
- i also went to this launch event/author reading/panel discussion for a montreal magazine called the montreal book review because one of the authors reading at the panel invited me to write an article about it. which was super cool! but i was still kind of upset and in a bad mood so i left pretty quickly after things wrapped up and did not stay to network/mingle/chat.
- i then got extremely good news on friday when i walked into safna's apartment and got surprised by our other friend anika who was visiting and kept the trip a secret from all of us!!! me and madhu were so so gagged when we saw her and we couldn't believe our eyes even. i was so happy because it truly did feel like such a nice and full circle moment from our last year of university. anika got a job offer the second she landed in montreal (she had been searching for a while so this was extremely good news) but she was having second thoughts about taking the position and we spent all day coming up with reasons to convince her to take the job. it was really nice and we just hung out until we were all ready to start getting ready for the night.
- we had planned an ELABORATE phineas and ferb group costume with 9 people. on paper that sounds like a nightmare but everyone actually pulled through so well and all our costumes were disgustingly accurate & i was so proud of us. me and elisia kickstarted this whole idea last month because she made a joke about our antics being so phineas & ferb core - and then it just snowballed from there. it was awesome. we found absolutely everything we needed for our costumes within 20 minutes at our favourite thrift store (eva b). i used a glue gun to stick white ribbon onto an orange t shirt to make my phineas outfit & i already had the perfect jorts ready to go. next year i can use the t-shirt to go as VLC Media Player
- we started the night by preing at madhu's apartment which was lovely because her place is huge! also joining us was one of safna's new friends from the MA, katie, who is basically the white version of me. it's terrifying how similar our interests and personalities are.
- we first went to this house party thrown by someone in the masters program which was nice but i honestly do not remember much of. my most vivid memory is having an extremely tearful conversation with safna in the bathroom about abusive parents and lonely childhoods and how safe i feel when i'm with her family and feeling so happy to be so easily welcomed into the fray with her sister & mother - typical bathroom shenanigans
- eventually decided we needed a secondary location and decided to walk - in the freezing cold rain btw - to the other end of town to the bars on st laurent which was 30 mins away from where we were. once again i remember very little of how we got there but i vividly remember making several jokes about being suicidal to one of my friends that i definitely would not have made if i was sober and i hope to god she does not remember me making them either.
- walked down st laurent and ran into our beautiful friend diya who was dressed as RYAN ROSS and her makeup was SO GOOD and she was literally serving so hard that i had to move to gag city.
- every single bar was SO full but we went to our favourite place - ye olde orchard - where there was a long line of people that the bouncer kept denying - but he knows us by now because we are literally there every week - and me and safna said plsplsplpslplspls and he let us in. which was crazy because we were like 9 people. (i'm still shocked that we managed to stick together as such a large group the whole night!!!!)
- there were 2 guys in animal onesies singing at the mics and i swear to god all 9 of us and them and this one other bald guy dancing with us forged a deep and intimate psychic connection that night. every single song was just so good and we were all singing along and one of the guys was playing so hard that he BROKE FOUR OF HIS GUITAR STRINGS but he kept playing until he was basically just thrumming along the base of the guitar like it was a drum and it was awesome. for reference they were playing stuff like teenage dirtbag and country roads and other white people get turnt music and it was awesome.
- i think we quite literally stayed at the bar until closing time when the lights came on and we were practically herded out like sheep
- we hung out with the singers and the bouncer outside the bar afterwards and i finally learned the bouncer's name and he called his VIPs which was so sweet and lovely - and my roommate sainka fashioned one of the broken guitar strings into a ring and got pretended married to one of the singers but she says he's pretty sure he's gay so it was like a beautiful lavender marriage.
- soundtrack of the night was linger by the cranberries because we could not stop singing it no matter what AND WE ONLY KNEW LIKE 3 LINES.
- showered when i got home and went to bed by 4am and woke up at 10am and was so deeply hungover but i just could not go back to sleep. ate some food and then spent the day with the girls again and we got smoked meat sandwiches for lunch and it fixed my hangover immediately.
- i was so BEYOND excited for night 2 because i was doing my gerard way cosplay - white button up, red tie, creep written in sharpie on my neck, 3cheers red eyeshadow that i am still struggling to fully rub off my face and heavy heavy eyeliner. i actually felt so gender euphoric and also generally euphoric because it felt like a beautiful tribute to me 10 years ago who probably wouldve been like wow and also how are you still into the same fucking band pls get a new interest.
- pres were at mine this time and it was great because it was everyone from last night plus safna's mom & aunt plus 3 new white people plus one of our other old friends i hadnt seen in a while. we basically spent the pres all getting ready and doing makeup while drinking and i was doing clown makeup on safna and i did SUCH a good job even though it was extremely stressful and all the girls were weighing in and making suggestions and really did feel so beautiful and affirming and #community.
- i also severely fucked with the 3 white girls (1 of them was katie and she brought some friends also in the MA) and had to retract some of my previous impressions about them. i hate boring people and people who think they are too self important to embarrass themselves and have fun and many of the white girls i know are that type of white girl but these 3 were just SO READY to dance and throw it down with the rest of us and they were so unselfconscious. they were dancing to bollywood w us at the pre without making it a big deal and just being so normal and fun.
- the first 3 bars we tried going into were too full bcause of THE FUCKING BLUEJAYS MATCH. even ye olde couldnt let us in and our beautiful kind bouncer was so apologetic as he said his manager was there so he couldnt do anything and we were like babygirl dont even worry about it.
- so naturally WE DECIDED TO GO INTO THE CLOSEST KARAOKE BAR. WHICH. BEST DECISION OF THE NIGHT. it was lowkey dead and kind of empty when we walked in but there were literally FIFTEEEEEEN of us so we almost immediately filled up the space. and oh my god. the vibes in here were just truly The Best.
- the VERY FIRST THING that me and safna did was queue welcome to the black parade because we'd been talking about singing this at karaoke together for WEEKS and it was amazing and SO CATHARCTIC and it felt like we were killing ourselves on stage with how loud we were singing and how much we were jumping around and its exactly what gerard wouldve wanted and it was SUCH A GOOD START TO THE NIGHT. (another reason i love katie & jayden - they knew every single word.)
- everyone got into the groove of things by then and we just kept queuing songs and going up on stage and it was so so so fun and awesome. we did she looks so perfect & sugar we're going down & some taylor swift & some more teenage dirtbag & like god i dont even remember what else. it felt like every song in the world was suddenly being blasted in this very bar. KATIE AND I DID KING FOR A DAY AND I HONEST TO GOD SCREAMED MY THROAT RAW. IM COMING FOR YOUR NACHOS VIC FUENTES.
- elisia took so many photos of us and it made us look like literal rockstars and i honest to god FELT like a rockstar i have so much to say about the feeling of being up on stage and singing with my best friends
- funny moment i remember is me saying "omg we're a band with siblings in it [safna & nadya] this is just like oasis" and katie looked at me like "? you are literally dressed as gerard way rn and you said oasis?"
- we also befriended hella strangers. some standouts were this group of gay cowboys who were honest to god sucking each others ears in front of us and we all sang pink pony club together and it was beautiful and joyous and so lovely to be queer in montreal. we also befriended this cutie goth clown and her little gay boyfriend (who i brought on stage to sing king for a day with us). and there was this older lady who sang dolly parton with us even
- every time we tried to leave the karaoke bar to go to our preplanned secondary location - my favourite lesbian bar, champs - someone queued another song that we had to stop in our tracks to sing. I wound up on stage singing alexander hamilton with a group of 5 teletubbies and later when we were smoking outside the green teletubby gave me a hug and said she was so happy that we sang together (as im writing this i asked my roommate what the name of the green teletubby is and she said "inky binky")
- we eventually ended up going to champs & the lesbian club next to it - DDs - and it was super fun but i think only me & sainka were enjoying the music at DDs because it was more hiphop/rap/very much the opposite of the white girl music at our previous locations but everyone was still dancing and it was extremely fun. someone at champs was in sister daniel cosplay which was so funny & me and katie made eye contact and went !!!! WOAH!
- by the way in the middle of all this at some point someone looked at the time and went - wait wasnt it just 2am? and we were all so confused until we realised THE CLOCKS WENT BACK AN HOUR so we had one more hour of being out on the town!!!!
- we eventually left champs/DDs after an hourish and the plan was to go get pizza - except our walk took us past the karaoke bar AGAIN and we saw our beautiful goth clown from earlier singing on the stage and they were playing DANCING QUEEN and we couldn't not go in. so we did. and spent maybe another 30 minutes with literally everyone in the bar just dancing on stage. i fear we would have raged til the dawn but some of us were looking extremely dead & tired so we left again and made a beeline for the pizza
- pizza madonna is an incredibly important institution in our lives & we ran into yet another character while we were eating our slices - some guy at our table who asked the group "does anyone here watch anime" and he looked directly at me and said "i already know you do" and everyone laughed at how easily i was clocked. completely fair assumption since it looked like i was basically dressed like a schoolgirl if u dont know who gerard way is. we chatted for a while with him and then we finally FINALLY all headed home!
- it was like 3:30 when we reached (but really 4:30) so we had been out for like 7 hours by that point and everyone was dead tired but me and sainka spent some time relaxing on the couch when we got home to just decompress. i took off my makeup and showered and called kubra and by the time i went to bed it was 4:30 (5:30!!) and i was so so dead.
- when i woke up the next morning my entire body felt like I had been under a fucking steamroller. another day later and it honestly still does.
- i have a vague memory of walking down st laurent on saturday and asking "whats the literary thing when its the world upside down and everything is inversed" and safna replied "bakhtin's carnivalesque?" and that was exactly it
- i'm far from the first person to make this connection but halloween is literally the carnivalesque personified - everything that is weird or wrong or perverted is ok for one day. free interaction between all kinds of people, eccentricity to the max, profanity everywhere, nothing is binary and all borders are blurred.
- no one is on the "outside." everyone is participating and everyone is in on the joke. its a culture of laughter and chaos and tomfoolery, and you can be unselfconscious and you can be ugly and you can do stupid shit and its all literally fine because no one will bat an eye or even look twice in your direction!! the world upside down, grotesque in the sense of exaggeration and hyperbole.
- i kept saying "i wish i could just look like this every day" and everyone seemed to agree w/ the sentiment and it truly is like. imagine the purge but for everyones desires to be a little weird. you get 1 day a year (maybe a whole weekeend if ur feeling crazy) to embody your weirdness in public in a way thats socially acceptable. and thats halloween.
- again. this has been said so many times that i'm not sure if it matters. but it matters to me because i'm engaging in >I can do anything I want forever< and trying to expand this to all parts of my life INCLUDING looking a little weird.
- i like the weird liminal space that halloween occupies in our lives thats like, in between social order and disruption. :) thats all.
- i am famously not a singer. or musician. ive dabbled in both in the past (i was in school choir and guitar lessons in the past) but its not my calling or anything. i'm more comfortable with being in theatre, acting, public speaking and giving speeches etc. but even then i'm usually happier when i'm directing or writing.
- that being said! I LOVE BEING ON STAGE! and i haven't done it in YEARS but i was literally feeling so so happy to experience even a fraction of the same feelings by being on that fuck ass karaoke bar stage.
- ive written about this before but music is such an embodied experience to me - i always want to feel it with all 5 of my senses, not just my ears - and karaoke is literally the most perfect way to make that happen. i was singing my throat raw and i was feeling the bass under my feet and i was seeing all my friends sing along with me and it was so fun and exciting and awesome. even tho i have zero singing ability myself and don't really dream of being a singer i like playing pretend and embodying that for just a few hours and again - being Unselfconscious.
- i understand why guitarists are always breaking shit and singers r always deepthroating their mics because i think music fundamentally creates this - gap - or lack - that you try to fill with your body. youre hearing something you cant touch but makes you feel emotions like its tangible. youre experiencing something that fully feels made up. its a collective delusion. and all of this showboating and performing is just an attempt at making it feel Real. the same reason why nothing will ever compare to live music and concerts. you are there experiencing this thing with all your senses.
- i guess this goes hand in hand with how much i love dancing - its another way of embodying music and creating a physical manifestation of something that literally exists as soundwaves in the air. something u cant see. the language of music (like notes, keys, etc) is illegible to most people who like music. so you create your own codex through movement. i'd love to live & die on the dancefloor forever.
everything that happened
- it started with bad news on thursday. my dear friend mina was supposed to visit for halloween oomfchella and stay with me and i was SO excited because i haven't seen her in so long and miss her so so much. unfortunately it was freaking storming and her flight got cancelled twice and she ultimately wasn't able to make the trip :( i was so so sad and thought that meant this weekend would go horribly but i was luckily proven wrong. there was still this constant Lack next to me - from missing both mina & kubra - but it was less a gaping hole and more the same feeling of I Wish You Were Here that underscores everything i do
- i also went to this launch event/author reading/panel discussion for a montreal magazine called the montreal book review because one of the authors reading at the panel invited me to write an article about it. which was super cool! but i was still kind of upset and in a bad mood so i left pretty quickly after things wrapped up and did not stay to network/mingle/chat.
- i then got extremely good news on friday when i walked into safna's apartment and got surprised by our other friend anika who was visiting and kept the trip a secret from all of us!!! me and madhu were so so gagged when we saw her and we couldn't believe our eyes even. i was so happy because it truly did feel like such a nice and full circle moment from our last year of university. anika got a job offer the second she landed in montreal (she had been searching for a while so this was extremely good news) but she was having second thoughts about taking the position and we spent all day coming up with reasons to convince her to take the job. it was really nice and we just hung out until we were all ready to start getting ready for the night.
- we had planned an ELABORATE phineas and ferb group costume with 9 people. on paper that sounds like a nightmare but everyone actually pulled through so well and all our costumes were disgustingly accurate & i was so proud of us. me and elisia kickstarted this whole idea last month because she made a joke about our antics being so phineas & ferb core - and then it just snowballed from there. it was awesome. we found absolutely everything we needed for our costumes within 20 minutes at our favourite thrift store (eva b). i used a glue gun to stick white ribbon onto an orange t shirt to make my phineas outfit & i already had the perfect jorts ready to go. next year i can use the t-shirt to go as VLC Media Player
- we started the night by preing at madhu's apartment which was lovely because her place is huge! also joining us was one of safna's new friends from the MA, katie, who is basically the white version of me. it's terrifying how similar our interests and personalities are.
- we first went to this house party thrown by someone in the masters program which was nice but i honestly do not remember much of. my most vivid memory is having an extremely tearful conversation with safna in the bathroom about abusive parents and lonely childhoods and how safe i feel when i'm with her family and feeling so happy to be so easily welcomed into the fray with her sister & mother - typical bathroom shenanigans
- eventually decided we needed a secondary location and decided to walk - in the freezing cold rain btw - to the other end of town to the bars on st laurent which was 30 mins away from where we were. once again i remember very little of how we got there but i vividly remember making several jokes about being suicidal to one of my friends that i definitely would not have made if i was sober and i hope to god she does not remember me making them either.
- walked down st laurent and ran into our beautiful friend diya who was dressed as RYAN ROSS and her makeup was SO GOOD and she was literally serving so hard that i had to move to gag city.
- every single bar was SO full but we went to our favourite place - ye olde orchard - where there was a long line of people that the bouncer kept denying - but he knows us by now because we are literally there every week - and me and safna said plsplsplpslplspls and he let us in. which was crazy because we were like 9 people. (i'm still shocked that we managed to stick together as such a large group the whole night!!!!)
- there were 2 guys in animal onesies singing at the mics and i swear to god all 9 of us and them and this one other bald guy dancing with us forged a deep and intimate psychic connection that night. every single song was just so good and we were all singing along and one of the guys was playing so hard that he BROKE FOUR OF HIS GUITAR STRINGS but he kept playing until he was basically just thrumming along the base of the guitar like it was a drum and it was awesome. for reference they were playing stuff like teenage dirtbag and country roads and other white people get turnt music and it was awesome.
- i think we quite literally stayed at the bar until closing time when the lights came on and we were practically herded out like sheep
- we hung out with the singers and the bouncer outside the bar afterwards and i finally learned the bouncer's name and he called his VIPs which was so sweet and lovely - and my roommate sainka fashioned one of the broken guitar strings into a ring and got pretended married to one of the singers but she says he's pretty sure he's gay so it was like a beautiful lavender marriage.
- soundtrack of the night was linger by the cranberries because we could not stop singing it no matter what AND WE ONLY KNEW LIKE 3 LINES.
- showered when i got home and went to bed by 4am and woke up at 10am and was so deeply hungover but i just could not go back to sleep. ate some food and then spent the day with the girls again and we got smoked meat sandwiches for lunch and it fixed my hangover immediately.
- i was so BEYOND excited for night 2 because i was doing my gerard way cosplay - white button up, red tie, creep written in sharpie on my neck, 3cheers red eyeshadow that i am still struggling to fully rub off my face and heavy heavy eyeliner. i actually felt so gender euphoric and also generally euphoric because it felt like a beautiful tribute to me 10 years ago who probably wouldve been like wow and also how are you still into the same fucking band pls get a new interest.
- pres were at mine this time and it was great because it was everyone from last night plus safna's mom & aunt plus 3 new white people plus one of our other old friends i hadnt seen in a while. we basically spent the pres all getting ready and doing makeup while drinking and i was doing clown makeup on safna and i did SUCH a good job even though it was extremely stressful and all the girls were weighing in and making suggestions and really did feel so beautiful and affirming and #community.
- i also severely fucked with the 3 white girls (1 of them was katie and she brought some friends also in the MA) and had to retract some of my previous impressions about them. i hate boring people and people who think they are too self important to embarrass themselves and have fun and many of the white girls i know are that type of white girl but these 3 were just SO READY to dance and throw it down with the rest of us and they were so unselfconscious. they were dancing to bollywood w us at the pre without making it a big deal and just being so normal and fun.
- the first 3 bars we tried going into were too full bcause of THE FUCKING BLUEJAYS MATCH. even ye olde couldnt let us in and our beautiful kind bouncer was so apologetic as he said his manager was there so he couldnt do anything and we were like babygirl dont even worry about it.
- so naturally WE DECIDED TO GO INTO THE CLOSEST KARAOKE BAR. WHICH. BEST DECISION OF THE NIGHT. it was lowkey dead and kind of empty when we walked in but there were literally FIFTEEEEEEN of us so we almost immediately filled up the space. and oh my god. the vibes in here were just truly The Best.
- the VERY FIRST THING that me and safna did was queue welcome to the black parade because we'd been talking about singing this at karaoke together for WEEKS and it was amazing and SO CATHARCTIC and it felt like we were killing ourselves on stage with how loud we were singing and how much we were jumping around and its exactly what gerard wouldve wanted and it was SUCH A GOOD START TO THE NIGHT. (another reason i love katie & jayden - they knew every single word.)
- everyone got into the groove of things by then and we just kept queuing songs and going up on stage and it was so so so fun and awesome. we did she looks so perfect & sugar we're going down & some taylor swift & some more teenage dirtbag & like god i dont even remember what else. it felt like every song in the world was suddenly being blasted in this very bar. KATIE AND I DID KING FOR A DAY AND I HONEST TO GOD SCREAMED MY THROAT RAW. IM COMING FOR YOUR NACHOS VIC FUENTES.
- elisia took so many photos of us and it made us look like literal rockstars and i honest to god FELT like a rockstar i have so much to say about the feeling of being up on stage and singing with my best friends
- funny moment i remember is me saying "omg we're a band with siblings in it [safna & nadya] this is just like oasis" and katie looked at me like "? you are literally dressed as gerard way rn and you said oasis?"
- we also befriended hella strangers. some standouts were this group of gay cowboys who were honest to god sucking each others ears in front of us and we all sang pink pony club together and it was beautiful and joyous and so lovely to be queer in montreal. we also befriended this cutie goth clown and her little gay boyfriend (who i brought on stage to sing king for a day with us). and there was this older lady who sang dolly parton with us even
- every time we tried to leave the karaoke bar to go to our preplanned secondary location - my favourite lesbian bar, champs - someone queued another song that we had to stop in our tracks to sing. I wound up on stage singing alexander hamilton with a group of 5 teletubbies and later when we were smoking outside the green teletubby gave me a hug and said she was so happy that we sang together (as im writing this i asked my roommate what the name of the green teletubby is and she said "inky binky")
- we eventually ended up going to champs & the lesbian club next to it - DDs - and it was super fun but i think only me & sainka were enjoying the music at DDs because it was more hiphop/rap/very much the opposite of the white girl music at our previous locations but everyone was still dancing and it was extremely fun. someone at champs was in sister daniel cosplay which was so funny & me and katie made eye contact and went !!!! WOAH!
- by the way in the middle of all this at some point someone looked at the time and went - wait wasnt it just 2am? and we were all so confused until we realised THE CLOCKS WENT BACK AN HOUR so we had one more hour of being out on the town!!!!
- we eventually left champs/DDs after an hourish and the plan was to go get pizza - except our walk took us past the karaoke bar AGAIN and we saw our beautiful goth clown from earlier singing on the stage and they were playing DANCING QUEEN and we couldn't not go in. so we did. and spent maybe another 30 minutes with literally everyone in the bar just dancing on stage. i fear we would have raged til the dawn but some of us were looking extremely dead & tired so we left again and made a beeline for the pizza
- pizza madonna is an incredibly important institution in our lives & we ran into yet another character while we were eating our slices - some guy at our table who asked the group "does anyone here watch anime" and he looked directly at me and said "i already know you do" and everyone laughed at how easily i was clocked. completely fair assumption since it looked like i was basically dressed like a schoolgirl if u dont know who gerard way is. we chatted for a while with him and then we finally FINALLY all headed home!
- it was like 3:30 when we reached (but really 4:30) so we had been out for like 7 hours by that point and everyone was dead tired but me and sainka spent some time relaxing on the couch when we got home to just decompress. i took off my makeup and showered and called kubra and by the time i went to bed it was 4:30 (5:30!!) and i was so so dead.
- when i woke up the next morning my entire body felt like I had been under a fucking steamroller. another day later and it honestly still does.
why i like halloween so much
- i have a vague memory of walking down st laurent on saturday and asking "whats the literary thing when its the world upside down and everything is inversed" and safna replied "bakhtin's carnivalesque?" and that was exactly it
- i'm far from the first person to make this connection but halloween is literally the carnivalesque personified - everything that is weird or wrong or perverted is ok for one day. free interaction between all kinds of people, eccentricity to the max, profanity everywhere, nothing is binary and all borders are blurred.
- no one is on the "outside." everyone is participating and everyone is in on the joke. its a culture of laughter and chaos and tomfoolery, and you can be unselfconscious and you can be ugly and you can do stupid shit and its all literally fine because no one will bat an eye or even look twice in your direction!! the world upside down, grotesque in the sense of exaggeration and hyperbole.
- i kept saying "i wish i could just look like this every day" and everyone seemed to agree w/ the sentiment and it truly is like. imagine the purge but for everyones desires to be a little weird. you get 1 day a year (maybe a whole weekeend if ur feeling crazy) to embody your weirdness in public in a way thats socially acceptable. and thats halloween.
- again. this has been said so many times that i'm not sure if it matters. but it matters to me because i'm engaging in >I can do anything I want forever< and trying to expand this to all parts of my life INCLUDING looking a little weird.
- i like the weird liminal space that halloween occupies in our lives thats like, in between social order and disruption. :) thats all.
stages & live music & dancing
- i am famously not a singer. or musician. ive dabbled in both in the past (i was in school choir and guitar lessons in the past) but its not my calling or anything. i'm more comfortable with being in theatre, acting, public speaking and giving speeches etc. but even then i'm usually happier when i'm directing or writing.
- that being said! I LOVE BEING ON STAGE! and i haven't done it in YEARS but i was literally feeling so so happy to experience even a fraction of the same feelings by being on that fuck ass karaoke bar stage.
- ive written about this before but music is such an embodied experience to me - i always want to feel it with all 5 of my senses, not just my ears - and karaoke is literally the most perfect way to make that happen. i was singing my throat raw and i was feeling the bass under my feet and i was seeing all my friends sing along with me and it was so fun and exciting and awesome. even tho i have zero singing ability myself and don't really dream of being a singer i like playing pretend and embodying that for just a few hours and again - being Unselfconscious.
- i understand why guitarists are always breaking shit and singers r always deepthroating their mics because i think music fundamentally creates this - gap - or lack - that you try to fill with your body. youre hearing something you cant touch but makes you feel emotions like its tangible. youre experiencing something that fully feels made up. its a collective delusion. and all of this showboating and performing is just an attempt at making it feel Real. the same reason why nothing will ever compare to live music and concerts. you are there experiencing this thing with all your senses.
- i guess this goes hand in hand with how much i love dancing - its another way of embodying music and creating a physical manifestation of something that literally exists as soundwaves in the air. something u cant see. the language of music (like notes, keys, etc) is illegible to most people who like music. so you create your own codex through movement. i'd love to live & die on the dancefloor forever.
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Date: 2025-11-03 09:24 pm (UTC)