<3
hello! this is just a place for me to dump my thoughts and sometimes talk to people about said thoughts. very much a mixed bag of things & also stuff.
metaposting
halloweekend!
i feel like i have lived entire lifetimes within the last 2 days alone - so much life and whimsy packed into a singular weekend - and i'm trying to get back into the habit of blogging regularly - so i'm going to attempt to recount everything that happened to me this weekend & share some reflections/thoughts on halloween and other stuff
- it started with bad news on thursday. my dear friend mina was supposed to visit for halloween oomfchella and stay with me and i was SO excited because i haven't seen her in so long and miss her so so much. unfortunately it was freaking storming and her flight got cancelled twice and she ultimately wasn't able to make the trip :( i was so so sad and thought that meant this weekend would go horribly but i was luckily proven wrong. there was still this constant Lack next to me - from missing both mina & kubra - but it was less a gaping hole and more the same feeling of I Wish You Were Here that underscores everything i do
- i also went to this launch event/author reading/panel discussion for a montreal magazine called the montreal book review because one of the authors reading at the panel invited me to write an article about it. which was super cool! but i was still kind of upset and in a bad mood so i left pretty quickly after things wrapped up and did not stay to network/mingle/chat.
- i then got extremely good news on friday when i walked into safna's apartment and got surprised by our other friend anika who was visiting and kept the trip a secret from all of us!!! me and madhu were so so gagged when we saw her and we couldn't believe our eyes even. i was so happy because it truly did feel like such a nice and full circle moment from our last year of university. anika got a job offer the second she landed in montreal (she had been searching for a while so this was extremely good news) but she was having second thoughts about taking the position and we spent all day coming up with reasons to convince her to take the job. it was really nice and we just hung out until we were all ready to start getting ready for the night.
- we had planned an ELABORATE phineas and ferb group costume with 9 people. on paper that sounds like a nightmare but everyone actually pulled through so well and all our costumes were disgustingly accurate & i was so proud of us. me and elisia kickstarted this whole idea last month because she made a joke about our antics being so phineas & ferb core - and then it just snowballed from there. it was awesome. we found absolutely everything we needed for our costumes within 20 minutes at our favourite thrift store (eva b). i used a glue gun to stick white ribbon onto an orange t shirt to make my phineas outfit & i already had the perfect jorts ready to go. next year i can use the t-shirt to go as VLC Media Player
- we started the night by preing at madhu's apartment which was lovely because her place is huge! also joining us was one of safna's new friends from the MA, katie, who is basically the white version of me. it's terrifying how similar our interests and personalities are.
- we first went to this house party thrown by someone in the masters program which was nice but i honestly do not remember much of. my most vivid memory is having an extremely tearful conversation with safna in the bathroom about abusive parents and lonely childhoods and how safe i feel when i'm with her family and feeling so happy to be so easily welcomed into the fray with her sister & mother - typical bathroom shenanigans
- eventually decided we needed a secondary location and decided to walk - in the freezing cold rain btw - to the other end of town to the bars on st laurent which was 30 mins away from where we were. once again i remember very little of how we got there but i vividly remember making several jokes about being suicidal to one of my friends that i definitely would not have made if i was sober and i hope to god she does not remember me making them either.
- walked down st laurent and ran into our beautiful friend diya who was dressed as RYAN ROSS and her makeup was SO GOOD and she was literally serving so hard that i had to move to gag city.
- every single bar was SO full but we went to our favourite place - ye olde orchard - where there was a long line of people that the bouncer kept denying - but he knows us by now because we are literally there every week - and me and safna said plsplsplpslplspls and he let us in. which was crazy because we were like 9 people. (i'm still shocked that we managed to stick together as such a large group the whole night!!!!)
- there were 2 guys in animal onesies singing at the mics and i swear to god all 9 of us and them and this one other bald guy dancing with us forged a deep and intimate psychic connection that night. every single song was just so good and we were all singing along and one of the guys was playing so hard that he BROKE FOUR OF HIS GUITAR STRINGS but he kept playing until he was basically just thrumming along the base of the guitar like it was a drum and it was awesome. for reference they were playing stuff like teenage dirtbag and country roads and other white people get turnt music and it was awesome.
- i think we quite literally stayed at the bar until closing time when the lights came on and we were practically herded out like sheep
- we hung out with the singers and the bouncer outside the bar afterwards and i finally learned the bouncer's name and he called his VIPs which was so sweet and lovely - and my roommate sainka fashioned one of the broken guitar strings into a ring and got pretended married to one of the singers but she says he's pretty sure he's gay so it was like a beautiful lavender marriage.
- soundtrack of the night was linger by the cranberries because we could not stop singing it no matter what AND WE ONLY KNEW LIKE 3 LINES.
- showered when i got home and went to bed by 4am and woke up at 10am and was so deeply hungover but i just could not go back to sleep. ate some food and then spent the day with the girls again and we got smoked meat sandwiches for lunch and it fixed my hangover immediately.
- i was so BEYOND excited for night 2 because i was doing my gerard way cosplay - white button up, red tie, creep written in sharpie on my neck, 3cheers red eyeshadow that i am still struggling to fully rub off my face and heavy heavy eyeliner. i actually felt so gender euphoric and also generally euphoric because it felt like a beautiful tribute to me 10 years ago who probably wouldve been like wow and also how are you still into the same fucking band pls get a new interest.
- pres were at mine this time and it was great because it was everyone from last night plus safna's mom & aunt plus 3 new white people plus one of our other old friends i hadnt seen in a while. we basically spent the pres all getting ready and doing makeup while drinking and i was doing clown makeup on safna and i did SUCH a good job even though it was extremely stressful and all the girls were weighing in and making suggestions and really did feel so beautiful and affirming and #community.
- i also severely fucked with the 3 white girls (1 of them was katie and she brought some friends also in the MA) and had to retract some of my previous impressions about them. i hate boring people and people who think they are too self important to embarrass themselves and have fun and many of the white girls i know are that type of white girl but these 3 were just SO READY to dance and throw it down with the rest of us and they were so unselfconscious. they were dancing to bollywood w us at the pre without making it a big deal and just being so normal and fun.
- the first 3 bars we tried going into were too full bcause of THE FUCKING BLUEJAYS MATCH. even ye olde couldnt let us in and our beautiful kind bouncer was so apologetic as he said his manager was there so he couldnt do anything and we were like babygirl dont even worry about it.
- so naturally WE DECIDED TO GO INTO THE CLOSEST KARAOKE BAR. WHICH. BEST DECISION OF THE NIGHT. it was lowkey dead and kind of empty when we walked in but there were literally FIFTEEEEEEN of us so we almost immediately filled up the space. and oh my god. the vibes in here were just truly The Best.
- the VERY FIRST THING that me and safna did was queue welcome to the black parade because we'd been talking about singing this at karaoke together for WEEKS and it was amazing and SO CATHARCTIC and it felt like we were killing ourselves on stage with how loud we were singing and how much we were jumping around and its exactly what gerard wouldve wanted and it was SUCH A GOOD START TO THE NIGHT. (another reason i love katie & jayden - they knew every single word.)
- everyone got into the groove of things by then and we just kept queuing songs and going up on stage and it was so so so fun and awesome. we did she looks so perfect & sugar we're going down & some taylor swift & some more teenage dirtbag & like god i dont even remember what else. it felt like every song in the world was suddenly being blasted in this very bar. KATIE AND I DID KING FOR A DAY AND I HONEST TO GOD SCREAMED MY THROAT RAW. IM COMING FOR YOUR NACHOS VIC FUENTES.
- elisia took so many photos of us and it made us look like literal rockstars and i honest to god FELT like a rockstar i have so much to say about the feeling of being up on stage and singing with my best friends
- funny moment i remember is me saying "omg we're a band with siblings in it [safna & nadya] this is just like oasis" and katie looked at me like "? you are literally dressed as gerard way rn and you said oasis?"
- we also befriended hella strangers. some standouts were this group of gay cowboys who were honest to god sucking each others ears in front of us and we all sang pink pony club together and it was beautiful and joyous and so lovely to be queer in montreal. we also befriended this cutie goth clown and her little gay boyfriend (who i brought on stage to sing king for a day with us). and there was this older lady who sang dolly parton with us even
- every time we tried to leave the karaoke bar to go to our preplanned secondary location - my favourite lesbian bar, champs - someone queued another song that we had to stop in our tracks to sing. I wound up on stage singing alexander hamilton with a group of 5 teletubbies and later when we were smoking outside the green teletubby gave me a hug and said she was so happy that we sang together (as im writing this i asked my roommate what the name of the green teletubby is and she said "inky binky")
- we eventually ended up going to champs & the lesbian club next to it - DDs - and it was super fun but i think only me & sainka were enjoying the music at DDs because it was more hiphop/rap/very much the opposite of the white girl music at our previous locations but everyone was still dancing and it was extremely fun. someone at champs was in sister daniel cosplay which was so funny & me and katie made eye contact and went !!!! WOAH!
- by the way in the middle of all this at some point someone looked at the time and went - wait wasnt it just 2am? and we were all so confused until we realised THE CLOCKS WENT BACK AN HOUR so we had one more hour of being out on the town!!!!
- we eventually left champs/DDs after an hourish and the plan was to go get pizza - except our walk took us past the karaoke bar AGAIN and we saw our beautiful goth clown from earlier singing on the stage and they were playing DANCING QUEEN and we couldn't not go in. so we did. and spent maybe another 30 minutes with literally everyone in the bar just dancing on stage. i fear we would have raged til the dawn but some of us were looking extremely dead & tired so we left again and made a beeline for the pizza
- pizza madonna is an incredibly important institution in our lives & we ran into yet another character while we were eating our slices - some guy at our table who asked the group "does anyone here watch anime" and he looked directly at me and said "i already know you do" and everyone laughed at how easily i was clocked. completely fair assumption since it looked like i was basically dressed like a schoolgirl if u dont know who gerard way is. we chatted for a while with him and then we finally FINALLY all headed home!
- it was like 3:30 when we reached (but really 4:30) so we had been out for like 7 hours by that point and everyone was dead tired but me and sainka spent some time relaxing on the couch when we got home to just decompress. i took off my makeup and showered and called kubra and by the time i went to bed it was 4:30 (5:30!!) and i was so so dead.
- when i woke up the next morning my entire body felt like I had been under a fucking steamroller. another day later and it honestly still does.
- i have a vague memory of walking down st laurent on saturday and asking "whats the literary thing when its the world upside down and everything is inversed" and safna replied "bakhtin's carnivalesque?" and that was exactly it
- i'm far from the first person to make this connection but halloween is literally the carnivalesque personified - everything that is weird or wrong or perverted is ok for one day. free interaction between all kinds of people, eccentricity to the max, profanity everywhere, nothing is binary and all borders are blurred.
- no one is on the "outside." everyone is participating and everyone is in on the joke. its a culture of laughter and chaos and tomfoolery, and you can be unselfconscious and you can be ugly and you can do stupid shit and its all literally fine because no one will bat an eye or even look twice in your direction!! the world upside down, grotesque in the sense of exaggeration and hyperbole.
- i kept saying "i wish i could just look like this every day" and everyone seemed to agree w/ the sentiment and it truly is like. imagine the purge but for everyones desires to be a little weird. you get 1 day a year (maybe a whole weekeend if ur feeling crazy) to embody your weirdness in public in a way thats socially acceptable. and thats halloween.
- again. this has been said so many times that i'm not sure if it matters. but it matters to me because i'm engaging in >I can do anything I want forever< and trying to expand this to all parts of my life INCLUDING looking a little weird.
- i like the weird liminal space that halloween occupies in our lives thats like, in between social order and disruption. :) thats all.
- i am famously not a singer. or musician. ive dabbled in both in the past (i was in school choir and guitar lessons in the past) but its not my calling or anything. i'm more comfortable with being in theatre, acting, public speaking and giving speeches etc. but even then i'm usually happier when i'm directing or writing.
- that being said! I LOVE BEING ON STAGE! and i haven't done it in YEARS but i was literally feeling so so happy to experience even a fraction of the same feelings by being on that fuck ass karaoke bar stage.
- ive written about this before but music is such an embodied experience to me - i always want to feel it with all 5 of my senses, not just my ears - and karaoke is literally the most perfect way to make that happen. i was singing my throat raw and i was feeling the bass under my feet and i was seeing all my friends sing along with me and it was so fun and exciting and awesome. even tho i have zero singing ability myself and don't really dream of being a singer i like playing pretend and embodying that for just a few hours and again - being Unselfconscious.
- i understand why guitarists are always breaking shit and singers r always deepthroating their mics because i think music fundamentally creates this - gap - or lack - that you try to fill with your body. youre hearing something you cant touch but makes you feel emotions like its tangible. youre experiencing something that fully feels made up. its a collective delusion. and all of this showboating and performing is just an attempt at making it feel Real. the same reason why nothing will ever compare to live music and concerts. you are there experiencing this thing with all your senses.
- i guess this goes hand in hand with how much i love dancing - its another way of embodying music and creating a physical manifestation of something that literally exists as soundwaves in the air. something u cant see. the language of music (like notes, keys, etc) is illegible to most people who like music. so you create your own codex through movement. i'd love to live & die on the dancefloor forever.
everything that happened
- it started with bad news on thursday. my dear friend mina was supposed to visit for halloween oomfchella and stay with me and i was SO excited because i haven't seen her in so long and miss her so so much. unfortunately it was freaking storming and her flight got cancelled twice and she ultimately wasn't able to make the trip :( i was so so sad and thought that meant this weekend would go horribly but i was luckily proven wrong. there was still this constant Lack next to me - from missing both mina & kubra - but it was less a gaping hole and more the same feeling of I Wish You Were Here that underscores everything i do
- i also went to this launch event/author reading/panel discussion for a montreal magazine called the montreal book review because one of the authors reading at the panel invited me to write an article about it. which was super cool! but i was still kind of upset and in a bad mood so i left pretty quickly after things wrapped up and did not stay to network/mingle/chat.
- i then got extremely good news on friday when i walked into safna's apartment and got surprised by our other friend anika who was visiting and kept the trip a secret from all of us!!! me and madhu were so so gagged when we saw her and we couldn't believe our eyes even. i was so happy because it truly did feel like such a nice and full circle moment from our last year of university. anika got a job offer the second she landed in montreal (she had been searching for a while so this was extremely good news) but she was having second thoughts about taking the position and we spent all day coming up with reasons to convince her to take the job. it was really nice and we just hung out until we were all ready to start getting ready for the night.
- we had planned an ELABORATE phineas and ferb group costume with 9 people. on paper that sounds like a nightmare but everyone actually pulled through so well and all our costumes were disgustingly accurate & i was so proud of us. me and elisia kickstarted this whole idea last month because she made a joke about our antics being so phineas & ferb core - and then it just snowballed from there. it was awesome. we found absolutely everything we needed for our costumes within 20 minutes at our favourite thrift store (eva b). i used a glue gun to stick white ribbon onto an orange t shirt to make my phineas outfit & i already had the perfect jorts ready to go. next year i can use the t-shirt to go as VLC Media Player
- we started the night by preing at madhu's apartment which was lovely because her place is huge! also joining us was one of safna's new friends from the MA, katie, who is basically the white version of me. it's terrifying how similar our interests and personalities are.
- we first went to this house party thrown by someone in the masters program which was nice but i honestly do not remember much of. my most vivid memory is having an extremely tearful conversation with safna in the bathroom about abusive parents and lonely childhoods and how safe i feel when i'm with her family and feeling so happy to be so easily welcomed into the fray with her sister & mother - typical bathroom shenanigans
- eventually decided we needed a secondary location and decided to walk - in the freezing cold rain btw - to the other end of town to the bars on st laurent which was 30 mins away from where we were. once again i remember very little of how we got there but i vividly remember making several jokes about being suicidal to one of my friends that i definitely would not have made if i was sober and i hope to god she does not remember me making them either.
- walked down st laurent and ran into our beautiful friend diya who was dressed as RYAN ROSS and her makeup was SO GOOD and she was literally serving so hard that i had to move to gag city.
- every single bar was SO full but we went to our favourite place - ye olde orchard - where there was a long line of people that the bouncer kept denying - but he knows us by now because we are literally there every week - and me and safna said plsplsplpslplspls and he let us in. which was crazy because we were like 9 people. (i'm still shocked that we managed to stick together as such a large group the whole night!!!!)
- there were 2 guys in animal onesies singing at the mics and i swear to god all 9 of us and them and this one other bald guy dancing with us forged a deep and intimate psychic connection that night. every single song was just so good and we were all singing along and one of the guys was playing so hard that he BROKE FOUR OF HIS GUITAR STRINGS but he kept playing until he was basically just thrumming along the base of the guitar like it was a drum and it was awesome. for reference they were playing stuff like teenage dirtbag and country roads and other white people get turnt music and it was awesome.
- i think we quite literally stayed at the bar until closing time when the lights came on and we were practically herded out like sheep
- we hung out with the singers and the bouncer outside the bar afterwards and i finally learned the bouncer's name and he called his VIPs which was so sweet and lovely - and my roommate sainka fashioned one of the broken guitar strings into a ring and got pretended married to one of the singers but she says he's pretty sure he's gay so it was like a beautiful lavender marriage.
- soundtrack of the night was linger by the cranberries because we could not stop singing it no matter what AND WE ONLY KNEW LIKE 3 LINES.
- showered when i got home and went to bed by 4am and woke up at 10am and was so deeply hungover but i just could not go back to sleep. ate some food and then spent the day with the girls again and we got smoked meat sandwiches for lunch and it fixed my hangover immediately.
- i was so BEYOND excited for night 2 because i was doing my gerard way cosplay - white button up, red tie, creep written in sharpie on my neck, 3cheers red eyeshadow that i am still struggling to fully rub off my face and heavy heavy eyeliner. i actually felt so gender euphoric and also generally euphoric because it felt like a beautiful tribute to me 10 years ago who probably wouldve been like wow and also how are you still into the same fucking band pls get a new interest.
- pres were at mine this time and it was great because it was everyone from last night plus safna's mom & aunt plus 3 new white people plus one of our other old friends i hadnt seen in a while. we basically spent the pres all getting ready and doing makeup while drinking and i was doing clown makeup on safna and i did SUCH a good job even though it was extremely stressful and all the girls were weighing in and making suggestions and really did feel so beautiful and affirming and #community.
- i also severely fucked with the 3 white girls (1 of them was katie and she brought some friends also in the MA) and had to retract some of my previous impressions about them. i hate boring people and people who think they are too self important to embarrass themselves and have fun and many of the white girls i know are that type of white girl but these 3 were just SO READY to dance and throw it down with the rest of us and they were so unselfconscious. they were dancing to bollywood w us at the pre without making it a big deal and just being so normal and fun.
- the first 3 bars we tried going into were too full bcause of THE FUCKING BLUEJAYS MATCH. even ye olde couldnt let us in and our beautiful kind bouncer was so apologetic as he said his manager was there so he couldnt do anything and we were like babygirl dont even worry about it.
- so naturally WE DECIDED TO GO INTO THE CLOSEST KARAOKE BAR. WHICH. BEST DECISION OF THE NIGHT. it was lowkey dead and kind of empty when we walked in but there were literally FIFTEEEEEEN of us so we almost immediately filled up the space. and oh my god. the vibes in here were just truly The Best.
- the VERY FIRST THING that me and safna did was queue welcome to the black parade because we'd been talking about singing this at karaoke together for WEEKS and it was amazing and SO CATHARCTIC and it felt like we were killing ourselves on stage with how loud we were singing and how much we were jumping around and its exactly what gerard wouldve wanted and it was SUCH A GOOD START TO THE NIGHT. (another reason i love katie & jayden - they knew every single word.)
- everyone got into the groove of things by then and we just kept queuing songs and going up on stage and it was so so so fun and awesome. we did she looks so perfect & sugar we're going down & some taylor swift & some more teenage dirtbag & like god i dont even remember what else. it felt like every song in the world was suddenly being blasted in this very bar. KATIE AND I DID KING FOR A DAY AND I HONEST TO GOD SCREAMED MY THROAT RAW. IM COMING FOR YOUR NACHOS VIC FUENTES.
- elisia took so many photos of us and it made us look like literal rockstars and i honest to god FELT like a rockstar i have so much to say about the feeling of being up on stage and singing with my best friends
- funny moment i remember is me saying "omg we're a band with siblings in it [safna & nadya] this is just like oasis" and katie looked at me like "? you are literally dressed as gerard way rn and you said oasis?"
- we also befriended hella strangers. some standouts were this group of gay cowboys who were honest to god sucking each others ears in front of us and we all sang pink pony club together and it was beautiful and joyous and so lovely to be queer in montreal. we also befriended this cutie goth clown and her little gay boyfriend (who i brought on stage to sing king for a day with us). and there was this older lady who sang dolly parton with us even
- every time we tried to leave the karaoke bar to go to our preplanned secondary location - my favourite lesbian bar, champs - someone queued another song that we had to stop in our tracks to sing. I wound up on stage singing alexander hamilton with a group of 5 teletubbies and later when we were smoking outside the green teletubby gave me a hug and said she was so happy that we sang together (as im writing this i asked my roommate what the name of the green teletubby is and she said "inky binky")
- we eventually ended up going to champs & the lesbian club next to it - DDs - and it was super fun but i think only me & sainka were enjoying the music at DDs because it was more hiphop/rap/very much the opposite of the white girl music at our previous locations but everyone was still dancing and it was extremely fun. someone at champs was in sister daniel cosplay which was so funny & me and katie made eye contact and went !!!! WOAH!
- by the way in the middle of all this at some point someone looked at the time and went - wait wasnt it just 2am? and we were all so confused until we realised THE CLOCKS WENT BACK AN HOUR so we had one more hour of being out on the town!!!!
- we eventually left champs/DDs after an hourish and the plan was to go get pizza - except our walk took us past the karaoke bar AGAIN and we saw our beautiful goth clown from earlier singing on the stage and they were playing DANCING QUEEN and we couldn't not go in. so we did. and spent maybe another 30 minutes with literally everyone in the bar just dancing on stage. i fear we would have raged til the dawn but some of us were looking extremely dead & tired so we left again and made a beeline for the pizza
- pizza madonna is an incredibly important institution in our lives & we ran into yet another character while we were eating our slices - some guy at our table who asked the group "does anyone here watch anime" and he looked directly at me and said "i already know you do" and everyone laughed at how easily i was clocked. completely fair assumption since it looked like i was basically dressed like a schoolgirl if u dont know who gerard way is. we chatted for a while with him and then we finally FINALLY all headed home!
- it was like 3:30 when we reached (but really 4:30) so we had been out for like 7 hours by that point and everyone was dead tired but me and sainka spent some time relaxing on the couch when we got home to just decompress. i took off my makeup and showered and called kubra and by the time i went to bed it was 4:30 (5:30!!) and i was so so dead.
- when i woke up the next morning my entire body felt like I had been under a fucking steamroller. another day later and it honestly still does.
why i like halloween so much
- i have a vague memory of walking down st laurent on saturday and asking "whats the literary thing when its the world upside down and everything is inversed" and safna replied "bakhtin's carnivalesque?" and that was exactly it
- i'm far from the first person to make this connection but halloween is literally the carnivalesque personified - everything that is weird or wrong or perverted is ok for one day. free interaction between all kinds of people, eccentricity to the max, profanity everywhere, nothing is binary and all borders are blurred.
- no one is on the "outside." everyone is participating and everyone is in on the joke. its a culture of laughter and chaos and tomfoolery, and you can be unselfconscious and you can be ugly and you can do stupid shit and its all literally fine because no one will bat an eye or even look twice in your direction!! the world upside down, grotesque in the sense of exaggeration and hyperbole.
- i kept saying "i wish i could just look like this every day" and everyone seemed to agree w/ the sentiment and it truly is like. imagine the purge but for everyones desires to be a little weird. you get 1 day a year (maybe a whole weekeend if ur feeling crazy) to embody your weirdness in public in a way thats socially acceptable. and thats halloween.
- again. this has been said so many times that i'm not sure if it matters. but it matters to me because i'm engaging in >I can do anything I want forever< and trying to expand this to all parts of my life INCLUDING looking a little weird.
- i like the weird liminal space that halloween occupies in our lives thats like, in between social order and disruption. :) thats all.
stages & live music & dancing
- i am famously not a singer. or musician. ive dabbled in both in the past (i was in school choir and guitar lessons in the past) but its not my calling or anything. i'm more comfortable with being in theatre, acting, public speaking and giving speeches etc. but even then i'm usually happier when i'm directing or writing.
- that being said! I LOVE BEING ON STAGE! and i haven't done it in YEARS but i was literally feeling so so happy to experience even a fraction of the same feelings by being on that fuck ass karaoke bar stage.
- ive written about this before but music is such an embodied experience to me - i always want to feel it with all 5 of my senses, not just my ears - and karaoke is literally the most perfect way to make that happen. i was singing my throat raw and i was feeling the bass under my feet and i was seeing all my friends sing along with me and it was so fun and exciting and awesome. even tho i have zero singing ability myself and don't really dream of being a singer i like playing pretend and embodying that for just a few hours and again - being Unselfconscious.
- i understand why guitarists are always breaking shit and singers r always deepthroating their mics because i think music fundamentally creates this - gap - or lack - that you try to fill with your body. youre hearing something you cant touch but makes you feel emotions like its tangible. youre experiencing something that fully feels made up. its a collective delusion. and all of this showboating and performing is just an attempt at making it feel Real. the same reason why nothing will ever compare to live music and concerts. you are there experiencing this thing with all your senses.
- i guess this goes hand in hand with how much i love dancing - its another way of embodying music and creating a physical manifestation of something that literally exists as soundwaves in the air. something u cant see. the language of music (like notes, keys, etc) is illegible to most people who like music. so you create your own codex through movement. i'd love to live & die on the dancefloor forever.
rocky horror picture show!
saw rocky horror for the first time last night in its 50th anniversary and it felt so important! i went with my friends & my best friend's mom was visiting so she tagged along for the show as well and today morning she said "it was so sweet to see how excited arismita was at the show, no one was enjoying it as much as them" and i was so happy i wanted to write my thoughts down immediately.
- i will say i did almost zero research going into this so i had no idea what to expect.
- the first thing that struck me was gorgeous GORGEOUS venue, the rialto theatre is a montreal icon & for good reason. the contrast between the ornate/classical theatre design vs. the raunchiness of the show we were watching was awesome.
- everyone went so hard with their costumes and makeup. honestly some of the best halloween costumes all around. there was a costume contest and these 2 lesbians went up as lisa frankenstein & the creature and no one understood what they were talking about BUT I DID. I WAS THERE FOR THAT MOVIE. I WAS SEATED. (i went as helena gerard way... who let me buy a red tie.)
- the hostess was honestly sooo funny and gorgeous and charming i have immediately forgotten her name but all her jokes landed so well & it was so cute seeing her interact with everyone who did the costume contest.
- onto the ACTUAL MOVIE. idk if this is how it works for every rocky horror screening but for ours they had someone in the shadow cast do a live voiceover for the entire thing - adding commentary/making jokes in response to whatever was happening on screen. for the most part it was hilarious but sometimes i wished they would've shut up just so i could LISTEN TO THE MUSIC
- also i wish the movie had subtitles.. the audio was kind of shit plus w the voiceover and everyone i felt like i was losing the plot a little... like i understand the beauty of experiencing it as ephemera but i would also like to hear whats going on in the actual movie..<3
- the movie itself was also genuinely such a good time. i knew a lot of the songs from before because of Life and Living but it was so nice to actually hear them in the context of the movie. fave songs r time warp, sweet transvestite, and touch me
- also tim curry was insanely hot as frank like helloooo. and the person in the shadow cast who was playing frank was also insanely hot like HELLLOOO. the costuming & makeup goes so crazy everyone was giving their all.
- speaking of the shadow cast - mostly lesbians. crazy scissoring was happening on stage. the person playing rocky was essentially wearing nothing but a very tiny gold bikini set and they were serving abominable amounts of cunt. everyone was so sexy and confident and funny and lip syncing like their lives depended on it.
- favourite audience moment was the time warp dance genuinely just such FUN and GOOD TIMES
- it was pretty white overall but what else do i expect from montreal queer scene - not white in a weird way though which i am thankful for! everyone was kind and beautiful and lovely and so sweet. some girls drew Vs in lipstick on me and my friends' faces :)
- i like when visual media is turned into an embodied experience and rocky horror is basically the epitome of that. everyone was in it and everyone was on and it was so cool to be sitting in this old ass theatre watching this movie that came out FIFTY years ago but still unites queers today. culture is crazy.
- can't wait to go back next yr because best believe i will be pulling up in frank cosplay
science fiction! double feature!
- i will say i did almost zero research going into this so i had no idea what to expect.
- the first thing that struck me was gorgeous GORGEOUS venue, the rialto theatre is a montreal icon & for good reason. the contrast between the ornate/classical theatre design vs. the raunchiness of the show we were watching was awesome.
- everyone went so hard with their costumes and makeup. honestly some of the best halloween costumes all around. there was a costume contest and these 2 lesbians went up as lisa frankenstein & the creature and no one understood what they were talking about BUT I DID. I WAS THERE FOR THAT MOVIE. I WAS SEATED. (i went as helena gerard way... who let me buy a red tie.)
- the hostess was honestly sooo funny and gorgeous and charming i have immediately forgotten her name but all her jokes landed so well & it was so cute seeing her interact with everyone who did the costume contest.
- onto the ACTUAL MOVIE. idk if this is how it works for every rocky horror screening but for ours they had someone in the shadow cast do a live voiceover for the entire thing - adding commentary/making jokes in response to whatever was happening on screen. for the most part it was hilarious but sometimes i wished they would've shut up just so i could LISTEN TO THE MUSIC
- also i wish the movie had subtitles.. the audio was kind of shit plus w the voiceover and everyone i felt like i was losing the plot a little... like i understand the beauty of experiencing it as ephemera but i would also like to hear whats going on in the actual movie..<3
- the movie itself was also genuinely such a good time. i knew a lot of the songs from before because of Life and Living but it was so nice to actually hear them in the context of the movie. fave songs r time warp, sweet transvestite, and touch me
- also tim curry was insanely hot as frank like helloooo. and the person in the shadow cast who was playing frank was also insanely hot like HELLLOOO. the costuming & makeup goes so crazy everyone was giving their all.
- speaking of the shadow cast - mostly lesbians. crazy scissoring was happening on stage. the person playing rocky was essentially wearing nothing but a very tiny gold bikini set and they were serving abominable amounts of cunt. everyone was so sexy and confident and funny and lip syncing like their lives depended on it.
- favourite audience moment was the time warp dance genuinely just such FUN and GOOD TIMES
- it was pretty white overall but what else do i expect from montreal queer scene - not white in a weird way though which i am thankful for! everyone was kind and beautiful and lovely and so sweet. some girls drew Vs in lipstick on me and my friends' faces :)
- i like when visual media is turned into an embodied experience and rocky horror is basically the epitome of that. everyone was in it and everyone was on and it was so cool to be sitting in this old ass theatre watching this movie that came out FIFTY years ago but still unites queers today. culture is crazy.
- can't wait to go back next yr because best believe i will be pulling up in frank cosplay
Entry tags:
it's fall out boy fall
regressing back to my 13 year old music taste this year for whatever reason. one of my friends has a list of her favourite fall out boy lyrics from every song on every album and i think it's honestly about time that i make one of those for myself.
take this to your grave
1. so bury me in memory around your throat
2. the songs you grow to like never stick at first / so i'm writing you a chorus
3. where is your boy tonight / i hope he is a gentleman / maybe he won't find out what i know
4. i'm good to go for something golden + i read about the afterlife / but i never really lived (!!!)
5. tonight the headphones will deliver you the words that i can't say + my smile's an open wound without you :")
6. everything i wish for will never come true
7. my heart is on my sleeve / wear it like a bruise or black eye
8. my pen is the barrel of the gun / remind me which side you should be on (!!!!)
9. i know this is belated but we love you back!
10. reception, less than warm, set it off / and the sun burnt out tonight
11. a failure at everything, 18 going on extinct (this song went crazy when i was 18.)
12. and when it all goes to hell / (take this to your grave) / will you be able to tell me sorry with a straight face? / (i'll take it to mine)
from under the cork tree
1. the ribbon on my wrist says "do not open before christmas"
2. we're making out inside crashed cars (!) + i used to waste my time dreaming of being alive / now i only waste it dreaming of you (!!)
3. WHYYY DON'T YOU SHOWWWW MEEEE A LITTLE BIT OF SPINEEEE YOU'VE BEEN SAVING FOR HIS MATTRESSSSS... LOVE! + these words are all i have so i'll write them (listening to dance, dance isn't enough i need it injected into my veins.)
4. i'm just dying to tell you anything you wanna hear!!!!!!!! + WISHING TO BE THE FRICTION IN HIS JEANS (i could honest to god sit here and type out this entire song from start to finish.)
5. nothing comes as easy as you + wear me like a locket around your throat / i'll weigh you down, watch you choke / you look so good in blue
6. JOKE ME SOMETHING AWFUL LIKE KISSES ON THE NECKS OF BEST FRIENDS (!!!!!!!)
7. the only thing worse than not knowing / is you thinking that i don't know
8. the best part of believe is the lie / i hope you sing along and you steal a line / i need to keep you like this in my mind
9. you are a getaway car, a rush of blood to the head / but me, i'm just the covers on top of your bed
10. i am sorry my conscience called in sick again / i've got arrogance down to a science / i'm the first to kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends
11. i set my clocks early cos i know i'm always late!!!
12. this has been said so many times that i'm not sure if it matters + i used to obsess over living now i only obsess over you
13. love never wanted me, but i took it anyway
14. keep you locked up in the trunk of my mind / keep talking, keep this alive
15. i got your love letters, corrected the grammar, and sent them back / it's true romance is dead, i shot it in the chest then in the head!
16. i'm the kind of kid that can't let anything go / but you wouldn't know a good thing if it came up and slit your throat
infinity on high
this whole album makes me feel sick to my stomach. SICK.
1. the only thing i haven't done yet is die / and it's me and my plus one at the afterlife (!!!!!)
2. don't pretend you ever forgot about me! wouldn't you rather be a widow than a divorcee!
3. at night we're painting your trash gold while you sleep / crashing not like hips or cars but more like parties!!!!
4. i only keep myself this sick in the head / cause i know how the words get you + ME AND YOU SETTING IN A HONEYMOON (!!!!!!!) + eyes the size of baby worlds (!!!!!!!!!)
5. THE ROAD OUTSIDE MY HOUSE IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS / YOU ARE THE DREAMER AND WE ARE THE DREAM / I COULD WRITE IT BETTER THAN YOU EVER FELT IT / SO HUM HALLELUJAH / JUST OFF THE KEY OF REASON / I THOUGHT I LOVED YOU IT WAS JUST HOW YOU LOOKED IN THE LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! / A TEENAGE VOW IN A PARKING LOT / TIL TONIGHT DO US PART / I SING THE BLUES AND SWALLOW THEM TOO!!!!!!!!!!! + I LOVE YOU IN THE SAME WAY THERE'S A CHAPEL IN THE HOSPITAL / ONE FOOT IN YOUR BEDROOM AND ONE FOOT OUT THE DOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(sorry i can't be normal about this song. my fucking god.)
6. i saw god cry in the reflection of my enemies / and all the lovers with no time for me
7. he tastes like you only sweeter (can't get any better (gayer) than this)
8. a penny for your thoughts but a dollar for your insights / or a fortune for your disaster!
9. i'm a stitch away from making it / and a scar away from falling apart
10. we're throwing stones at a glass moon / we're so miserable and stunning / love songs for the genuinely cunning (my most toxic trait is that i think tswift copied new romantics off of carpal tunnel of love)
11. BEST FRIENDS / EX FRIENDS TIL THE END / BETTER OFF AS LOVERS BUT NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!!!!!! + I CAN'T COMMIT TO A THING BE IT HEART OR HOSPITAL + I CAST A SPELL OVER THE WEST TO MAKE YOU THINK OF ME THE SAME WAY I THINK OF YOU / THIS IS A LOVE SONG IN MY OWN WAY / HAPPILY EVER AFTER BELOW THE WAIST!!!!! (and it was about MIKEYWAY THE WHOLE TIMEEEEE)
12. i am god's gift but why would he bless me with such wit without a conscience equipped? + i'm alright in bed but i'm better with a pen
13. hang on a rope or bated breath / whichever you prefer
14. tell the boys where to find my body / new york eyes, chicago thighs / pushed up the window to kiss you off (!!!)
15. I'VE LOVED EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU THAT HURT / SO LET ME SEE YOUR MOVES / LIPS PRESSED CLOSE TO MINE, TRUE BLUE + TRADE BABY BLUES FOR WIDE-EYED BROWNS / I SLEEP WITH YOUR OLD SHIRTS AND WALK THROUGH THIS HOUSE / KNOW IT'S STRANGE / IT'S A STRANGE WAY OF SAYING THAT I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO LOVE YOU!!!! (and it was called gay is not a synonym for shitty the whole time.)
16. the only ring i want buried with me are the ones around my eyes / you're appealing to emotions that i simply do not have
folie à deux
1. what a match, i'm half-doomed / and you're semi-sweet (!!!!!) (and it was about patrick the whole time.)
2. say my name and his in the same breath / i dare you to say they taste the same
3. the light's are on and everybody's home / the only thing suicidal here is the door
4. why, why, why won't the world revolve around me?
5. DOES YOUR HUSBAND KNOW THE WAY THAT THE SUNSHINE GLEAMS FROM YOUR WEDDING BAND!!!!! + tempest in a teacup, get unique / peroxide princess shine like shark teeth
6. i wanna scream "i love you" from the top of my lungs / but i'm afraid that someone else will hear me!!!! (and it was a gay ass song the whole time.)
7. i'm a mascot for what you've become / i love the mayhem more than the love :')
8. i will never end up like him / behind my back i already am + i've got troubled thoughts and the self esteem to match (AND THIS WAS ALSO ABOUT PATRICK. THE WHOLE TIMEEEEE)
9. i want it so bad i'd shoot the sunshine into my veins + my body is an orphanage, we take everyone in
10. dear gravity, you held me down in this starless city
11. my head's in heaven, my soles are in hell / let's meet in the purgatory of my hips and get well
12. i'm a stray dog sick / please take me back / please let me in
13. don't feel bad for the suicidal cats, gotta kill themselves 9 times before they get it right + your eyes are blocking my starlight / i'm the last of my kind
14. i want to make you as lonely as me / so you can get addicted to this
save rock & roll
this album was SO important to 13 year old me. i think it's my most listened to album of all time.
1. cross walks and crossed hearts and hope-to-dies / silver clouds with grey linings
2. i've got the scars from tomorrow and i wish you could see / that you're the antidote to everything except for me / a constellation of tears on your lashes
3. my heart is like a stallion, they love it more when it's broken (!!!!!)
4. i'm here to collect your hearts / it's the only reason that i sing / i don't believe a word you say but i can't stop listening
5. I THOUGHT OF ANGELS. CHOKING ON THEIR HALOS. GET THEM DRUNK ON ROSE WATER. SEE HOW DIRTY I CAN GET THEM PULLING OUT THEIR FRAGILE TEETH. AND CLIP THEIR TINY WINGS. ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE HELD AGAINST YOU. SO ONLY SAY MY NAME. IT WILL BE HELD AGAINST YOU. IF HEAVEN'S GRIEF BRINGS HELL'S RAIN. THEN I'D TRADE ALL MY TOMORROWS FOR JUST ONE YESTERDAY.
(sorry once again i could just sit and type out this entire song from memory but truly just the most insane intro to chorus run in a song of all time.)
6. if you ask me two's a whole lot lonelier than one / baby we should've left our love in the gutter where we found it (my real favourite lyrics are big sean's entire verse. HELL YEAH IM A DICK GIRL ADDICTED TO YOU)
7. the person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger + i will sing to you every day if it will take away the pain
8. undress to impress / you can wear the crown but you're no princess
9. in poison places, we are anti-venom / we're the beginning of the end
10. i'm about to make your sweat roll backwards / and your heart beat in reverse // as alone as a little white church in the middle of the desert getting burned!!! + i'm a lonelier version of you, i just don't know where i went wrong (PLUS COURTNEY LOVE'S ENTIRE VERSE, AGAIN)
11. you are what you love :') not who loves you :') in a world full of the word yes :') i'm here to scream no :')
[im skipping pax-am days. sorry. i love the music i just think it's more of a sonic experience than a lyrical one.]
american beauty / american psycho
1. too many war wounds, not enough wars / too many sharks, not enough blood in the waves / you know i give my love a four letter name + i'm no good at lip service, except when they're yours, mi amor (and this song was literally about getting fucked by a MAN)
2. i wish i dreamt in the shape of your mouth (!!!)
3. bruises on your thighs like my fingerprints + i can't stop until the whole world knows my name / cause i was only born inside my dreams
4. on film or between the sheets / i always fall from your window to the pitch black streets + and in the end, i'd do it all again, i think you're my best friend :') + empty your sadness like you're dumping your purse on my bedroom floor
5. AND I SLEPT IN LAST NIGHT'S CLOTHES IN TOMORROW'S DREAMS BUT THEY'RE NOT QUITE WHAT THEY SEEM!!!!!!!! (some of my favourite lyrics ever written of all time since i was literally THIRTEEEEEN)
6. did you ever love her do you know? or did you never want to be alone? + she's singing baby come home in a melody of tears while the rhythm of the rain keeps time
7. i will always land on you like a sucker punch
8. ILL BE AS HONEST AS YOU LET ME. I MISS YOUR EARLY MORNING COMPANY. IF YOU GET ME. YOU ARE MY FAVOURITE WHAT IF. YOU ARE THE BEST I'LL NEVER KNOW. + YOU ARE THE DROUGHT / AND IM THE HOLY WATER YOU HAVE BEEN WITHOUT. + I'M SORRY EVERY SONG'S ABOUT YOU!!!! THE TORTURE OF SMALL TALK WITH SOMEONE YOU USED TO LOVE!!!!!! (and it was literally about mikeyway the whole time AGAIN)
9. you were the song stuck in my head / every song that i've ever loved / and you can get what you want but it's never enough :')
10. sometimes the only payoff for having any faith / is when it's tested again and again everyday!!!!! + it might be your wound but they're my sutures
11. A BIRTH AND A DEATH ON THE SAME DAY / HONEY I ONLY APPEARED SO I CAN FADE AWAY!!!!!
mania
1. some princes don't become kings / you only get what you grieve + the only thing that's ever stopping me is me
2. I KNOW THIS WHOLE DAMN CITY THINKS IT NEEDS YOU, BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I DO!!!!!!!!!
3. REALISED I CAN'T NOT BE WITH YOU / OR BE JUST YOUR FRIEND / I LOVE YOU TO DEATH BUT I JUST CAN'T PRETEND / WE WERE LOVERS FIRST. CONFIDANTS BUT NEVER FRIENDS. WERE WE EVER FRIENDS? (this was about shuake, actually. to me. thanks to this album for coming out at the same time as persona 5.)
4. there's nothing more cruel than to be loved by everybody but you + i hope the roof flies off and we all get blown out into space!!!!
5. i love the world, i just don't love the way it makes me feel
6. if there were any more left of me, i'd give it to you / i am a missile that's guided to you
7. i got rage every day, on the inside / the only thing i do is sit around and kill time
8. the world tried to burn all the mercy out of me, but you know i wouldn't let it!!! + there are no atheists in foxholes!!!
9. i lived so much life, i think that god is gonna have to kill me twice
10. and i'm yours / til the earth starts to crumble & the heavens roll away / i'm struggling to exist with you and without you
so much (for) stardust
1. we were a hammer to the statue of david / we were a painting you could never frame / and you were the sunshine of my lifetime :')
2. no matter what they tell you / the future's up for grabs / is there a word for bad miracle?
3. PART-TIME SOULMATE FULL-TIME PROBLEM!!!!!! + call you up and demand you have no fun without me!
4. love is in the air, i just gotta figure out a window to break out
5. I WILL NEVER ASK YOU FOR ANYTHING. EXCEPT TO DREAM SWEET OF ME. TELL ME WHEN THE PARTY ENDS. WILL YOU STILL LOVE WHO I AM. + HALF YOUR LIFE YOU'VE BEEN HOOKED ON DEATH!!!!!
6. i'll be whatever you need me to be / i cut myself down / to be whatever you need me to be
7. the sky about ten minutes before it started to rain... a moment where your laughter becomes a cackle... :')
8. SMASH ALL THE GUITARS!!!! TIL WE SEE ALL THE STARS!!!!! WE GOT TO THROW THIS YEAR AWAY!!!!! LIKE A BAD LUCK CHARM!!!!!! (life-changing song for me this summer BTW.)
9. last night i dreamt i still knew you / i carved out a place in this world for two / but it's empty without you / i've got all this love i've got to keep to myself
10. what is there between us, if not a little annihilation?
11. i felt you at the beginning / but needed you at the end
12. i just need someone to hold me / even though you don't even know me
13. in another life, you were the sunshine of my lifetime!!!!! (CALLBACK!)
thank god for whatever is wrong with pete wentz
take this to your grave
1. so bury me in memory around your throat
2. the songs you grow to like never stick at first / so i'm writing you a chorus
3. where is your boy tonight / i hope he is a gentleman / maybe he won't find out what i know
4. i'm good to go for something golden + i read about the afterlife / but i never really lived (!!!)
5. tonight the headphones will deliver you the words that i can't say + my smile's an open wound without you :")
6. everything i wish for will never come true
7. my heart is on my sleeve / wear it like a bruise or black eye
8. my pen is the barrel of the gun / remind me which side you should be on (!!!!)
9. i know this is belated but we love you back!
10. reception, less than warm, set it off / and the sun burnt out tonight
11. a failure at everything, 18 going on extinct (this song went crazy when i was 18.)
12. and when it all goes to hell / (take this to your grave) / will you be able to tell me sorry with a straight face? / (i'll take it to mine)
from under the cork tree
1. the ribbon on my wrist says "do not open before christmas"
2. we're making out inside crashed cars (!) + i used to waste my time dreaming of being alive / now i only waste it dreaming of you (!!)
3. WHYYY DON'T YOU SHOWWWW MEEEE A LITTLE BIT OF SPINEEEE YOU'VE BEEN SAVING FOR HIS MATTRESSSSS... LOVE! + these words are all i have so i'll write them (listening to dance, dance isn't enough i need it injected into my veins.)
4. i'm just dying to tell you anything you wanna hear!!!!!!!! + WISHING TO BE THE FRICTION IN HIS JEANS (i could honest to god sit here and type out this entire song from start to finish.)
5. nothing comes as easy as you + wear me like a locket around your throat / i'll weigh you down, watch you choke / you look so good in blue
6. JOKE ME SOMETHING AWFUL LIKE KISSES ON THE NECKS OF BEST FRIENDS (!!!!!!!)
7. the only thing worse than not knowing / is you thinking that i don't know
8. the best part of believe is the lie / i hope you sing along and you steal a line / i need to keep you like this in my mind
9. you are a getaway car, a rush of blood to the head / but me, i'm just the covers on top of your bed
10. i am sorry my conscience called in sick again / i've got arrogance down to a science / i'm the first to kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends
11. i set my clocks early cos i know i'm always late!!!
12. this has been said so many times that i'm not sure if it matters + i used to obsess over living now i only obsess over you
13. love never wanted me, but i took it anyway
14. keep you locked up in the trunk of my mind / keep talking, keep this alive
15. i got your love letters, corrected the grammar, and sent them back / it's true romance is dead, i shot it in the chest then in the head!
16. i'm the kind of kid that can't let anything go / but you wouldn't know a good thing if it came up and slit your throat
infinity on high
this whole album makes me feel sick to my stomach. SICK.
1. the only thing i haven't done yet is die / and it's me and my plus one at the afterlife (!!!!!)
2. don't pretend you ever forgot about me! wouldn't you rather be a widow than a divorcee!
3. at night we're painting your trash gold while you sleep / crashing not like hips or cars but more like parties!!!!
4. i only keep myself this sick in the head / cause i know how the words get you + ME AND YOU SETTING IN A HONEYMOON (!!!!!!!) + eyes the size of baby worlds (!!!!!!!!!)
5. THE ROAD OUTSIDE MY HOUSE IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS / YOU ARE THE DREAMER AND WE ARE THE DREAM / I COULD WRITE IT BETTER THAN YOU EVER FELT IT / SO HUM HALLELUJAH / JUST OFF THE KEY OF REASON / I THOUGHT I LOVED YOU IT WAS JUST HOW YOU LOOKED IN THE LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! / A TEENAGE VOW IN A PARKING LOT / TIL TONIGHT DO US PART / I SING THE BLUES AND SWALLOW THEM TOO!!!!!!!!!!! + I LOVE YOU IN THE SAME WAY THERE'S A CHAPEL IN THE HOSPITAL / ONE FOOT IN YOUR BEDROOM AND ONE FOOT OUT THE DOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(sorry i can't be normal about this song. my fucking god.)
6. i saw god cry in the reflection of my enemies / and all the lovers with no time for me
7. he tastes like you only sweeter (can't get any better (gayer) than this)
8. a penny for your thoughts but a dollar for your insights / or a fortune for your disaster!
9. i'm a stitch away from making it / and a scar away from falling apart
10. we're throwing stones at a glass moon / we're so miserable and stunning / love songs for the genuinely cunning (my most toxic trait is that i think tswift copied new romantics off of carpal tunnel of love)
11. BEST FRIENDS / EX FRIENDS TIL THE END / BETTER OFF AS LOVERS BUT NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!!!!!! + I CAN'T COMMIT TO A THING BE IT HEART OR HOSPITAL + I CAST A SPELL OVER THE WEST TO MAKE YOU THINK OF ME THE SAME WAY I THINK OF YOU / THIS IS A LOVE SONG IN MY OWN WAY / HAPPILY EVER AFTER BELOW THE WAIST!!!!! (and it was about MIKEYWAY THE WHOLE TIMEEEEE)
12. i am god's gift but why would he bless me with such wit without a conscience equipped? + i'm alright in bed but i'm better with a pen
13. hang on a rope or bated breath / whichever you prefer
14. tell the boys where to find my body / new york eyes, chicago thighs / pushed up the window to kiss you off (!!!)
15. I'VE LOVED EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU THAT HURT / SO LET ME SEE YOUR MOVES / LIPS PRESSED CLOSE TO MINE, TRUE BLUE + TRADE BABY BLUES FOR WIDE-EYED BROWNS / I SLEEP WITH YOUR OLD SHIRTS AND WALK THROUGH THIS HOUSE / KNOW IT'S STRANGE / IT'S A STRANGE WAY OF SAYING THAT I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO LOVE YOU!!!! (and it was called gay is not a synonym for shitty the whole time.)
16. the only ring i want buried with me are the ones around my eyes / you're appealing to emotions that i simply do not have
folie à deux
1. what a match, i'm half-doomed / and you're semi-sweet (!!!!!) (and it was about patrick the whole time.)
2. say my name and his in the same breath / i dare you to say they taste the same
3. the light's are on and everybody's home / the only thing suicidal here is the door
4. why, why, why won't the world revolve around me?
5. DOES YOUR HUSBAND KNOW THE WAY THAT THE SUNSHINE GLEAMS FROM YOUR WEDDING BAND!!!!! + tempest in a teacup, get unique / peroxide princess shine like shark teeth
6. i wanna scream "i love you" from the top of my lungs / but i'm afraid that someone else will hear me!!!! (and it was a gay ass song the whole time.)
7. i'm a mascot for what you've become / i love the mayhem more than the love :')
8. i will never end up like him / behind my back i already am + i've got troubled thoughts and the self esteem to match (AND THIS WAS ALSO ABOUT PATRICK. THE WHOLE TIMEEEEE)
9. i want it so bad i'd shoot the sunshine into my veins + my body is an orphanage, we take everyone in
10. dear gravity, you held me down in this starless city
11. my head's in heaven, my soles are in hell / let's meet in the purgatory of my hips and get well
12. i'm a stray dog sick / please take me back / please let me in
13. don't feel bad for the suicidal cats, gotta kill themselves 9 times before they get it right + your eyes are blocking my starlight / i'm the last of my kind
14. i want to make you as lonely as me / so you can get addicted to this
save rock & roll
this album was SO important to 13 year old me. i think it's my most listened to album of all time.
1. cross walks and crossed hearts and hope-to-dies / silver clouds with grey linings
2. i've got the scars from tomorrow and i wish you could see / that you're the antidote to everything except for me / a constellation of tears on your lashes
3. my heart is like a stallion, they love it more when it's broken (!!!!!)
4. i'm here to collect your hearts / it's the only reason that i sing / i don't believe a word you say but i can't stop listening
5. I THOUGHT OF ANGELS. CHOKING ON THEIR HALOS. GET THEM DRUNK ON ROSE WATER. SEE HOW DIRTY I CAN GET THEM PULLING OUT THEIR FRAGILE TEETH. AND CLIP THEIR TINY WINGS. ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE HELD AGAINST YOU. SO ONLY SAY MY NAME. IT WILL BE HELD AGAINST YOU. IF HEAVEN'S GRIEF BRINGS HELL'S RAIN. THEN I'D TRADE ALL MY TOMORROWS FOR JUST ONE YESTERDAY.
(sorry once again i could just sit and type out this entire song from memory but truly just the most insane intro to chorus run in a song of all time.)
6. if you ask me two's a whole lot lonelier than one / baby we should've left our love in the gutter where we found it (my real favourite lyrics are big sean's entire verse. HELL YEAH IM A DICK GIRL ADDICTED TO YOU)
7. the person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger + i will sing to you every day if it will take away the pain
8. undress to impress / you can wear the crown but you're no princess
9. in poison places, we are anti-venom / we're the beginning of the end
10. i'm about to make your sweat roll backwards / and your heart beat in reverse // as alone as a little white church in the middle of the desert getting burned!!! + i'm a lonelier version of you, i just don't know where i went wrong (PLUS COURTNEY LOVE'S ENTIRE VERSE, AGAIN)
11. you are what you love :') not who loves you :') in a world full of the word yes :') i'm here to scream no :')
[im skipping pax-am days. sorry. i love the music i just think it's more of a sonic experience than a lyrical one.]
american beauty / american psycho
1. too many war wounds, not enough wars / too many sharks, not enough blood in the waves / you know i give my love a four letter name + i'm no good at lip service, except when they're yours, mi amor (and this song was literally about getting fucked by a MAN)
2. i wish i dreamt in the shape of your mouth (!!!)
3. bruises on your thighs like my fingerprints + i can't stop until the whole world knows my name / cause i was only born inside my dreams
4. on film or between the sheets / i always fall from your window to the pitch black streets + and in the end, i'd do it all again, i think you're my best friend :') + empty your sadness like you're dumping your purse on my bedroom floor
5. AND I SLEPT IN LAST NIGHT'S CLOTHES IN TOMORROW'S DREAMS BUT THEY'RE NOT QUITE WHAT THEY SEEM!!!!!!!! (some of my favourite lyrics ever written of all time since i was literally THIRTEEEEEN)
6. did you ever love her do you know? or did you never want to be alone? + she's singing baby come home in a melody of tears while the rhythm of the rain keeps time
7. i will always land on you like a sucker punch
8. ILL BE AS HONEST AS YOU LET ME. I MISS YOUR EARLY MORNING COMPANY. IF YOU GET ME. YOU ARE MY FAVOURITE WHAT IF. YOU ARE THE BEST I'LL NEVER KNOW. + YOU ARE THE DROUGHT / AND IM THE HOLY WATER YOU HAVE BEEN WITHOUT. + I'M SORRY EVERY SONG'S ABOUT YOU!!!! THE TORTURE OF SMALL TALK WITH SOMEONE YOU USED TO LOVE!!!!!! (and it was literally about mikeyway the whole time AGAIN)
9. you were the song stuck in my head / every song that i've ever loved / and you can get what you want but it's never enough :')
10. sometimes the only payoff for having any faith / is when it's tested again and again everyday!!!!! + it might be your wound but they're my sutures
11. A BIRTH AND A DEATH ON THE SAME DAY / HONEY I ONLY APPEARED SO I CAN FADE AWAY!!!!!
mania
1. some princes don't become kings / you only get what you grieve + the only thing that's ever stopping me is me
2. I KNOW THIS WHOLE DAMN CITY THINKS IT NEEDS YOU, BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I DO!!!!!!!!!
3. REALISED I CAN'T NOT BE WITH YOU / OR BE JUST YOUR FRIEND / I LOVE YOU TO DEATH BUT I JUST CAN'T PRETEND / WE WERE LOVERS FIRST. CONFIDANTS BUT NEVER FRIENDS. WERE WE EVER FRIENDS? (this was about shuake, actually. to me. thanks to this album for coming out at the same time as persona 5.)
4. there's nothing more cruel than to be loved by everybody but you + i hope the roof flies off and we all get blown out into space!!!!
5. i love the world, i just don't love the way it makes me feel
6. if there were any more left of me, i'd give it to you / i am a missile that's guided to you
7. i got rage every day, on the inside / the only thing i do is sit around and kill time
8. the world tried to burn all the mercy out of me, but you know i wouldn't let it!!! + there are no atheists in foxholes!!!
9. i lived so much life, i think that god is gonna have to kill me twice
10. and i'm yours / til the earth starts to crumble & the heavens roll away / i'm struggling to exist with you and without you
so much (for) stardust
1. we were a hammer to the statue of david / we were a painting you could never frame / and you were the sunshine of my lifetime :')
2. no matter what they tell you / the future's up for grabs / is there a word for bad miracle?
3. PART-TIME SOULMATE FULL-TIME PROBLEM!!!!!! + call you up and demand you have no fun without me!
4. love is in the air, i just gotta figure out a window to break out
5. I WILL NEVER ASK YOU FOR ANYTHING. EXCEPT TO DREAM SWEET OF ME. TELL ME WHEN THE PARTY ENDS. WILL YOU STILL LOVE WHO I AM. + HALF YOUR LIFE YOU'VE BEEN HOOKED ON DEATH!!!!!
6. i'll be whatever you need me to be / i cut myself down / to be whatever you need me to be
7. the sky about ten minutes before it started to rain... a moment where your laughter becomes a cackle... :')
8. SMASH ALL THE GUITARS!!!! TIL WE SEE ALL THE STARS!!!!! WE GOT TO THROW THIS YEAR AWAY!!!!! LIKE A BAD LUCK CHARM!!!!!! (life-changing song for me this summer BTW.)
9. last night i dreamt i still knew you / i carved out a place in this world for two / but it's empty without you / i've got all this love i've got to keep to myself
10. what is there between us, if not a little annihilation?
11. i felt you at the beginning / but needed you at the end
12. i just need someone to hold me / even though you don't even know me
13. in another life, you were the sunshine of my lifetime!!!!! (CALLBACK!)
Entry tags:
fan of girls and boys
went a bit crazy this summer and accidentally found myself back in the pitfalls of liking kpop groups! ateez had me in a chokehold for a while & then i discovered 5th gen have good music... and now we are here
- i’ll be honest… i wasn’t expecting to get so deep into the yaoi AND THEN I GOT TOO DEEP INTO THE YAOI…..
- like, i was fully expecting to be yeosang/seonghwa visualliker9000 and move on with my life. then i opened my heart to loving woosang. and then i got hit by seongjoong with the force of a FREIGHT TRUCK i dont even know where my matz obsession starteddddd
- i realllyyyy like them as a group too i think they’re so funny… i have to say i’m pretty much only invested in matz + woosansang and the others are kind of an afterthought to me but they all complement each other so well
- again, i thought if i was going to get into any 5th gen group it would be zb1 bc of yuri’s mattbin propaganda… however….. got my ass gotten by MYUNGJAEHYUNNNN
- ive never warmed up to a group this quickly, i think it took me maybe 2 days to learn everyones names/personalities & then less than 2 hours to be so insanely endeared by all of them. i like all of them so much for jinjja
- probably helps a lot that they have such good music bc at the end of the day i’m incapable of caring 4 a group if i dont like the songs/concept
- i still cannot name all the members i’m literally just akgaeing from whatever i have learnt through yuriangel + the tl
- GYUVIN…. i fell for him the minute I saw his blind date interview with san HOW ARE YOU SO CUTIE????
- SEOK MATTHEW.
- overall, cutieful boys > yaoi > music
- i’ve only heard one song (killing it) and it was really good so maybe i should listen to more but umm i’m lazy & don’t know where to start
- this is all mostly surface level… i love youuuu JONGSEOB<3333333
- girl i don’t know anything about the riize members i just want to say that their music being so good is literally nct dream mistreatment and erasure even
- their music is seriously so good tho… the whole riizing album slays so hard… talk saxy went platinum in my bedroom
- their music is so good but they scare me. why are they so freaky.
- the clown concept is seriously scary but its so cool i love tricky(?) i love when kpop groups have like a weird fucking creature there for no reason
- also yechan’s rap style reminds me of hongjoong hes so slay with it… um i don’t know anything about the others i’m sorryyyy
- i like that 5th gen is moving away from the 4th gen noise and more back to cool, chill, refreshing pop vibes of 3rd gen (well xikers aside)
gayteez
- i’ll be honest… i wasn’t expecting to get so deep into the yaoi AND THEN I GOT TOO DEEP INTO THE YAOI…..
- like, i was fully expecting to be yeosang/seonghwa visualliker9000 and move on with my life. then i opened my heart to loving woosang. and then i got hit by seongjoong with the force of a FREIGHT TRUCK i dont even know where my matz obsession starteddddd
- i think… weekly idol khj insane jealousy scorpio moment? or maybe the thank u stages… or just..seeing the way parkseonghwa is constantly vying for his attention in ways that are so pathetic and obvious and hj is like >< >< >< My Same-Age Friend.
- anyway i truly believe matz suffers from the same pitfalls as minsung where its like, obviously the ship is popular for a reason because there is chemistry & tension & SOMETHING there but all the fans are braindead so the fics suck and no one understands them
- anyway i truly believe matz suffers from the same pitfalls as minsung where its like, obviously the ship is popular for a reason because there is chemistry & tension & SOMETHING there but all the fans are braindead so the fics suck and no one understands them
- i’m a huge believer in matz 13% compatibility… like yes their friendship is situational and yes i’m sure they were awkward initially bc hongjoong is incapable of being normal but like… they literally put in effort. and what is more romantic than that.
- is hongjoong writing songs about the other members?? did he say thank u is about everyone in ateez??? NO. EXACTLY
- is hongjoong writing songs about the other members?? did he say thank u is about everyone in ateez??? NO. EXACTLY
- also "he takes care of everyone but i take care of him" trope will never die
- my recent topaz obsession has been umm debilitating & embarrassing.. but how can i help it when wooyoung is literally begging for hongjoong to hit every 2 seconds- woosang also KO’s me daily… and whatever woosan have going in so much worse than yaoi… have recently been getting gotten by woosanhwa
- hongjoong is so shippable to me. why dont the bigger ones (ateez) just eat the small one (their captain)- i realllyyyy like them as a group too i think they’re so funny… i have to say i’m pretty much only invested in matz + woosansang and the others are kind of an afterthought to me but they all complement each other so well
- i like mingi so much i think hes sooo endearing & nice vibes… i would want to be his friendddd and yunho is like obscenely handsome as well
- jongho sings good…<3
- jongho sings good…<3
- their music is just my type of 4th gen bg noise but it was a hit or a miss in the beginning, also i think i have unpopular opinions on what their best music is
- crazy form is jinjja one of their best titles… TO ME… and then i would propbably put bouncy, deja vu, work..
- i think golden hour & outlaw ep are their best albums
- [RT my priv tweet] i love when atz songs follow the format of chorus -> verse 1 -> chorus -> verse 2 -> no bridge just sexy outro. examples: matz (bad song perfect outro), django (mid song amazing outro), blind (good song better outro), empty box (perfect song PERFECT OUTRO)
- i think golden hour & outlaw ep are their best albums
- [RT my priv tweet] i love when atz songs follow the format of chorus -> verse 1 -> chorus -> verse 2 -> no bridge just sexy outro. examples: matz (bad song perfect outro), django (mid song amazing outro), blind (good song better outro), empty box (perfect song PERFECT OUTRO)
- overall, yaoi > cutieful boys = music
girlnextdoor
- again, i thought if i was going to get into any 5th gen group it would be zb1 bc of yuri’s mattbin propaganda… however….. got my ass gotten by MYUNGJAEHYUNNNN
- ive never warmed up to a group this quickly, i think it took me maybe 2 days to learn everyones names/personalities & then less than 2 hours to be so insanely endeared by all of them. i like all of them so much for jinjja
- probably helps a lot that they have such good music bc at the end of the day i’m incapable of caring 4 a group if i dont like the songs/concept
- their singles are amazinggg and i am a fan of the lyrics even… but sometimes is so good & one and only IS MY EXACT TYPE OF MUSIC!!!!
- they remind me of old cutesy pentagon
- they remind me of old cutesy pentagon
- the younglove concept is sooo effortlessly cutie to me & well they all just fit the image so well.. even though they are bringing such different vibes to the table idk idk it just works
- like taesan’s whole loserlover emo thing… myungjae swagful idolrapper yet also so beautifully charming and, well, boynextdoor coded… leehan sleeper rizz with gorgous autism eyes…. they all just complement each other so well.
- they are also like… such a visualgroup in ways i havent seen since txt… um taesan is my visualpick but i love sungho’s face a lot as well…dont even talk to me about jaehyun. - like taesan’s whole loserlover emo thing… myungjae swagful idolrapper yet also so beautifully charming and, well, boynextdoor coded… leehan sleeper rizz with gorgous autism eyes…. they all just complement each other so well.
- myungjae pout can litra;;;lllyyyy kill entire continents AND I AM DYING EVERY DAYYYY. He’s so cute. like. I’m dying. every time i see a photo of him i have to phsycially restrain myself from trying to kiss my phone screen. its so bad for me.
- hes soooo cute hes sooo cute hes so so so so so so cute. thats all i have to say on the matter.
- hes soooo cute hes sooo cute hes so so so so so so cute. thats all i have to say on the matter.
- i think my most unpopular opinion is that it took me the longest to warm up to leehan visuals.. however now that i am here i understanddd & i seeee the princess beautifulgf aura he so naturally possesses… ladylike and cutesy even
- woonhak.. ill bite him. riwoo also. riwoo is kind of so so so cutie and reminds me of hoshi almost (guy who knows nothing about hoshi)
- i’m not deep in the yaoi trenches yet but like. obviously myungjae most rotatable and loved and cherished by everyoneeee. and obviously i got gotten by taetjae. - woonhak.. ill bite him. riwoo also. riwoo is kind of so so so cutie and reminds me of hoshi almost (guy who knows nothing about hoshi)
- i also love jaehyun/sungho dynamix as leader/right-hand man… tale as old as time… 2 guys who are extroverts in such different ways
- i would have more to say here if the ao3 tag wasnt so dead
- overall, cutieful boys = music > yaoi - i would have more to say here if the ao3 tag wasnt so dead
zerogayone
- i still cannot name all the members i’m literally just akgaeing from whatever i have learnt through yuriangel + the tl
- GYUVIN…. i fell for him the minute I saw his blind date interview with san HOW ARE YOU SO CUTIE????
- obsessed with the way he acted so bold & cheeky through the entire video and just completely folded the SECOND that he saw san…gayboy.
- also the more i see of him the more i’m like wow u weirdo… i’m obsessed… 0 chill 0 rizz 0 bitches but i’m obsessed
- ricky is just a visualpick for me i loveeee his red hair. ladylike & cutesy even. and his dynamic with gyuvin is kind of crazy - also the more i see of him the more i’m like wow u weirdo… i’m obsessed… 0 chill 0 rizz 0 bitches but i’m obsessed
- SEOK MATTHEW.
- i FIRSTTT started getting gotten by seeing so many random cutieful reels of him on my instagram fyp and then yuri ruined my life by telling me about mattbin lore against my will
- THIS LITERALLY HAPPENED TO MY FRIENDS WOOSANG… LIKE… the predebut lore goes crazy!!!! and then hanbin got a company yaoi boyfriend!!! 😭
- THIS LITERALLY HAPPENED TO MY FRIENDS WOOSANG… LIKE… the predebut lore goes crazy!!!! and then hanbin got a company yaoi boyfriend!!! 😭
- i’m just always a sucker for good backstory & mattbin provided exactly that
- i think hanbin is so lovely too umm they got my boy in gay jail tho… please free him so he can serve cunt and slay the house down once more… we need you first tutting idol sung hanbin
- and OFCCCC the myungjaehyun x sunghanbin trenches.. they are SO cute… my ult interactions ship REAL!!!!!
- their music is so mid tho i’m sorry. the only song i really enjoy is sweat and everything else is like… well its fine i guess
- i didnt like feel the pop when i first heard it but then it grew on me & keeps getting stuck in my head so now i’m pop pop pop pop popping popping
- crush is also an ok song but i like the chorus a lottt bc at the end of the day i am noise music enjoyer no matter how many cutesy concept bgs i end up stanning<3
- crush is also an ok song but i like the chorus a lottt bc at the end of the day i am noise music enjoyer no matter how many cutesy concept bgs i end up stanning<3
- i find in bloom so boring 😭😭😭 there were so many better debuts in 2023
- also idk what their concept is?? do they have one??? is it just being gay
- sorry to all zerose who are dreading disbandment day… hwaiting… i hope hanbin becomes sexy successful soloist - also idk what their concept is?? do they have one??? is it just being gay
- overall, cutieful boys > yaoi > music
piwon
- i’ve only heard one song (killing it) and it was really good so maybe i should listen to more but umm i’m lazy & don’t know where to start
- this is all mostly surface level… i love youuuu JONGSEOB<3333333
- i jinjja thought jongseob and soul were the same person until last month bc i didn’t know what jb looked like and just assumed it was soul when i saw clips of him…
- i also DID NOT KNOW THAT SOUL WASNT THE MAKNAE
- i also DID NOT KNOW THAT SOUL WASNT THE MAKNAE
- but jongseob is seriously so cute & gets so much preferential maknae treatment.. i love the videos of keeho where he is so mean to soul for absolutely no reason and then turns around to fawn over jongseob
- speaking of keeho he awakens my fight or flight instinct. idk if i want to punt him or be friends with him.
- ALSO I DIDNT KNOW KEEHO WAS THE LEADER… he doesnt have leader energy AT ALLL what are they doing!!!!
- he’s kind of the same energy as hanbin where they should be the most popular member who is the right hand man & not the actual leader
- i don’t really know the others… um… theo is really cute and hes a cancer so<3 - he’s kind of the same energy as hanbin where they should be the most popular member who is the right hand man & not the actual leader
riize
- girl i don’t know anything about the riize members i just want to say that their music being so good is literally nct dream mistreatment and erasure even
- i cannot believe they got to release boom boom bass & get a guitar when dream were making fuckass SMOOTHIEEEE…. whatever…. i’m happy for you sungchan get your bag.
- also i think wonbin is so cute umm ultimately i’m visual liker and extremely shallow
- sohee x hanbin x myungjae slay ofc.. um… i really dont know anyone else except sungchan and shotaro - their music is seriously so good tho… the whole riizing album slays so hard… talk saxy went platinum in my bedroom
xikers
- their music is so good but they scare me. why are they so freaky.
- the clown concept is seriously scary but its so cool i love tricky(?) i love when kpop groups have like a weird fucking creature there for no reason
- tricky house SERIOUSLLYYY changed the trajectory of my life… what do you mean that was A DEBUT SONG….!!!!
- also tft hongjoong had producing credits on every track in their debut album is so :,) literally feel like such a #proudfan i love youuu prodjoong
- like even tho the music does have ateez vibes theyre still set apart pretty strongly i think… xikers get a little more kitschy with it. more camp even.
- ONE OF THE MEMBERS HAS THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS MEEEE and he’s literally baby so i’ve adopted him naturally. junghoon u r so cutie. - like even tho the music does have ateez vibes theyre still set apart pretty strongly i think… xikers get a little more kitschy with it. more camp even.
- also yechan’s rap style reminds me of hongjoong hes so slay with it… um i don’t know anything about the others i’m sorryyyy
some thoughts on 5th gen
- i like that 5th gen is moving away from the 4th gen noise and more back to cool, chill, refreshing pop vibes of 3rd gen (well xikers aside)
- i think riize, bnd, xikers all have super distinct sounds already which is crazy for groups that are only a year old!!! zb1’s discog feels disjointed/all over the place to me idk if i would say they have a specific sound
- there’s also a v clear rise in the importance of writing your own songs or idols actually being interested in music production which ofc 4th gen helped solidify… which i dont think is necessary to be a good idol but is still fun to see
- especially with newer groups like bnd who are getting so many opportunities to write original music right off the bat? we love u zico
- its also probably bc smaller labels like koz and kq can afford to give their artists this much freedom.. and idk what label kiof are under but i know belle is also a songwriter
- speaking of i’m low-key #notafan of babymon & kiof’s music… i’m sorry women I just need better gg music from 5th gen…. - its also probably bc smaller labels like koz and kq can afford to give their artists this much freedom.. and idk what label kiof are under but i know belle is also a songwriter
- it just feels too polished/tiktok pop to meee!!! like yes sticky is cute and fun for a dance challenge but its not music i wanna listen tooo
- the 4th gen girls have been releasing perfect music recently tho<3
- at the end of the day i’m excited to see where these new groups go! i want new music and NEW SOUNDS!!!- the 4th gen girls have been releasing perfect music recently tho<3
assorted winter meta
before i start writing this post i feel like i should mention that winter isn't even my 1pick in aespa or anything but i have so many thoughts about her it makes me feel insane. and i realised a lot of those thoughts make no sense unless u know the backstory behind them. hence;
- exactly what it says on the tin
- the short hair / girl crush concept / backwards snapbacks / icy exterior sound like the most obvious choices when you consider the boyisms of winter but even all of that is just the shallow surface level stuff. not only is she socially a boy she is also psychologically a boy and above all, a Boyfriend
- in aespa's la vlogs there's a bit where the girls are all going shopping but minjeong hangs back & claims she doesn't like shopping much + the others say that she's always the one who takes pictures for them/holds their bags. you know. like a boy
- in the same vlog winter says "i'm not romantic" and keeps acting like a tsundere while having her arms linked with karina the whole time. which is deeply hilarious and also very boyfriend of her
- when she's not consciously afflicting the aegyo girl group voice her natural dialect/tone is pretty rough compared to her image
- in general, she has a tendency to say things that can come off as tactless sometimes; if karina is overly aware of her idolsona at all times then winter keeps forgetting she's supposed to be an idol. she's a bit similar to ningning in that sense
- she's obsessed w harry styles which is unfortunately a gaygirl trait. she has terrible taste but i'm just saying.
- this whole video compilation
- picture evidence: transmasc lesbian swag, oversized shirts, boyfriend and girlfriend, more transmasc swag, karina wearing winter's flannel, baseball cap
- this one is pretty much canonical but it's worth adding here anyway
- karina's favourite nickname for minjeong being "mindoongie"... her sending bubble messages with captions like "taking our minjeongie on a walk".... winter herself unabashedly leaning into the puppyfication too<3
- i feel like most people associate puppies with like jeno or beomgyu levels of obedience / earnestness / innocence(?). but winter is simultaneously fucked up & cutie.
- she has a tendency to use her puppy dog eyes / aegyo voice / pout to get out of anything and it WORKS. because everyone is in love with her and no one can say no to a dog.
- she's super playful/teasing with the people around her even sometimes when she's supposed to be serious, very puppy trait if i do say so myself<3
- even though winter is only 3 months younger than giselle, she's somehow successfully conned a spot into aespa's maknae line next to ningning?! she has both the unnies wrapped around her finger. like i said, she can make anyone do anything for her. it's puppy privilege.
- this tweet :,)
- she's also said she prefers dogs on multiple occasions which ik has nothing to do with her being puppy but paired with karina being a cat person = perfect haptics. we love catdog dynamics
- tl;dr winter is a dog. she bites.
- this is directly related to both her being a dog and her being a boy
- most perfect example of when someone is psychologically a 1 but physically a 0. minjeong pillow princess tendencies never die because why would she do the work herself when there's so many people willing to do it for her
- minjeong is kind of a brat & not obedient by nature at all which is what makes it even better. her dynamic w/ karina specifically is karina telling her what to do and winter keeping her on her toes by listening only sometimes
- she's also surprisingly easy to fluster?!?! like one would assume karina to be the person getting flustered more in this relationship but it's usually the other way around -> karina saying things too boldly to winter and catching her off guard
- man i would argue more for this case but i don't think i'm that deranged yet
- ALSO THIS VIDEO. JUST THIS VIDEO
- everyone loves winter. this is just a fact. if u asked all of aespa who their favourite member is they would be most likely to say winter (except ningning, which is a point for another day!!)
- jimin doesn't need an explanation - she's obsessed w minjeong. it's embarrassing. get a grip girl.
- giselle and winter are really close which might not seem as obvious when you first look at them but it's so :,) they really are the dumb & dumber duo. giselle calling winter her baby chick is still one of my favourite things in the world.
- the two of them always go shopping together & have a lot of inside jokes specifically with each other, their energy is just super comfortable and relaxed whenever they're together. two dudebros coming together to maximise their joint slay
- ningning and winter have the maknae line telepathy anyway like they are both always doing insane shit whenever they are together. ningning obvs likes winter a lot but it's sprinkled with the kind of playful bickering/haterisms/frenemy dynamic which makes it even more interesting ^_^
- i already have a whole post on aespa dynamics so go read that if u want to know my thoughts on winter ships in more detail i won't get into it again here
- everybody wants winter!
kim minjeong is a boy
- exactly what it says on the tin
- the short hair / girl crush concept / backwards snapbacks / icy exterior sound like the most obvious choices when you consider the boyisms of winter but even all of that is just the shallow surface level stuff. not only is she socially a boy she is also psychologically a boy and above all, a Boyfriend
- in aespa's la vlogs there's a bit where the girls are all going shopping but minjeong hangs back & claims she doesn't like shopping much + the others say that she's always the one who takes pictures for them/holds their bags. you know. like a boy
- in the same vlog winter says "i'm not romantic" and keeps acting like a tsundere while having her arms linked with karina the whole time. which is deeply hilarious and also very boyfriend of her
- when she's not consciously afflicting the aegyo girl group voice her natural dialect/tone is pretty rough compared to her image
- in general, she has a tendency to say things that can come off as tactless sometimes; if karina is overly aware of her idolsona at all times then winter keeps forgetting she's supposed to be an idol. she's a bit similar to ningning in that sense
- she's obsessed w harry styles which is unfortunately a gaygirl trait. she has terrible taste but i'm just saying.
- this whole video compilation
- picture evidence: transmasc lesbian swag, oversized shirts, boyfriend and girlfriend, more transmasc swag, karina wearing winter's flannel, baseball cap
kim minjeong is a dog
- this one is pretty much canonical but it's worth adding here anyway
- karina's favourite nickname for minjeong being "mindoongie"... her sending bubble messages with captions like "taking our minjeongie on a walk".... winter herself unabashedly leaning into the puppyfication too<3
- i feel like most people associate puppies with like jeno or beomgyu levels of obedience / earnestness / innocence(?). but winter is simultaneously fucked up & cutie.
- she has a tendency to use her puppy dog eyes / aegyo voice / pout to get out of anything and it WORKS. because everyone is in love with her and no one can say no to a dog.
- she's super playful/teasing with the people around her even sometimes when she's supposed to be serious, very puppy trait if i do say so myself<3
- even though winter is only 3 months younger than giselle, she's somehow successfully conned a spot into aespa's maknae line next to ningning?! she has both the unnies wrapped around her finger. like i said, she can make anyone do anything for her. it's puppy privilege.
- this tweet :,)
- she's also said she prefers dogs on multiple occasions which ik has nothing to do with her being puppy but paired with karina being a cat person = perfect haptics. we love catdog dynamics
- tl;dr winter is a dog. she bites.
kim minjeong is a 0
- this is directly related to both her being a dog and her being a boy
- most perfect example of when someone is psychologically a 1 but physically a 0. minjeong pillow princess tendencies never die because why would she do the work herself when there's so many people willing to do it for her
- minjeong is kind of a brat & not obedient by nature at all which is what makes it even better. her dynamic w/ karina specifically is karina telling her what to do and winter keeping her on her toes by listening only sometimes
- she's also surprisingly easy to fluster?!?! like one would assume karina to be the person getting flustered more in this relationship but it's usually the other way around -> karina saying things too boldly to winter and catching her off guard
- man i would argue more for this case but i don't think i'm that deranged yet
- ALSO THIS VIDEO. JUST THIS VIDEO
kim minjeong is the most rotatable member in aespa
- everyone loves winter. this is just a fact. if u asked all of aespa who their favourite member is they would be most likely to say winter (except ningning, which is a point for another day!!)
- jimin doesn't need an explanation - she's obsessed w minjeong. it's embarrassing. get a grip girl.
- giselle and winter are really close which might not seem as obvious when you first look at them but it's so :,) they really are the dumb & dumber duo. giselle calling winter her baby chick is still one of my favourite things in the world.
- the two of them always go shopping together & have a lot of inside jokes specifically with each other, their energy is just super comfortable and relaxed whenever they're together. two dudebros coming together to maximise their joint slay
- ningning and winter have the maknae line telepathy anyway like they are both always doing insane shit whenever they are together. ningning obvs likes winter a lot but it's sprinkled with the kind of playful bickering/haterisms/frenemy dynamic which makes it even more interesting ^_^
- i already have a whole post on aespa dynamics so go read that if u want to know my thoughts on winter ships in more detail i won't get into it again here
- everybody wants winter!
Entry tags:
skz theorycrafting
my attempt at guessing each of the member's respective favourites! very much based off just Vibes and what everyone has said about each other in their 2krs. corrections are accepted and encouraged <3 <3
chan: felix
- ok not only this is extremely obvious, it's also like, who else is it gonna be?
- felix has been an exception to everything chan stands for since the very beginning - he was the hardest on him during predebut but he also cared the Most about not losing him. "i'm never going to leave you behind." you don't need me to prove to you that chan likes felix the most, the members have already said as much and it's not like he tries to hide it
- there's also a consideration for changbin being one of his favourites, but i think it's less that he's chan's fave and more that he's the only one who understands chan & can actually bridge the gap between the rest of the team and the leader. in that sense it's more of a leader/second-in-command dynamic.
- with the rest of them, chan clearly adores them to pieces ("skz saved me"), but like... no one is coming close to whatever the hell he has with felix. there's simply nothing else to it.
minho: jisung, possibly jeongin
- once again, you don't need me to prove to you that minho likes jisung the most... (changbin voice) lino hyung acts different around jisung than the rest of us, he's the most comfortable with him... (seungmin voice) minho couldn't survive without han but han could survive without minho
- he has a Soft Spot and it's very clear just through the sheer amount of time that he spends with jisung, how much he seeks him out/makes the first move. it's the familiarity of it all! jisung understands minho, jisung keeps minho in check, and minho needs someone to take care of. also everything that is true about minho is immediately off the table once jisung is involved.
- i say jeongin because of how patient minho is with him - it's true that he's patient with everyone, but 1) minho's been the maknae his whole life pre-skz so he probably empathizes 2) he's not immune to cute things
- he also really loves to annoy jeongin (usually while teaming up w/ seungmo) & getting attention from him specifically. but again, jeongin isn't really on the same level as jisung
changbin: hyunjin, jisung
- ok it is no secret that changbin wants to fuck hyunjin. he announces it himself on a daily basis. all of the members make constant jokes about changbin liking hyunjin & hyunjin not reciprocating. changbin makes jokes about it!!! this is common knowledge!!!!!
- i think it hits even harder when u consider their pre-2020 dynamic when they weren't as close - changbin being very sensitive and hyunjin, well, not. if u watch their 2019 2kr you'll know what i'm talking about. they used to fight a lot but it was clear that changbin cared a lot more about what hyunjin thought of him than hyunjin did. it's less one-sided now and they're closer but hyunjin will always be one of bin's favourites
- as for jisung. i feel like this is pretty self explanatory but like, jisung is changbin's baby <3_<3
- he takes care of jisung the most, he's mentioned his soft spot for jisung multiple times before, he's once again pretty sensitive when it comes to jisung (they used to fight a lot too.. changbin look at me...)
- changbin is always the first one to defend jisung whenever anything happens no matter how much they both clown each other still. plus naturally they have the 3racha bond
hyunjin: seungmin, jeongin, (maybe) felix
- literally everyone in stray kids wants to fuck hyunjin but he pointed at the only two guys who don't and said Them. i want Them.
- his obsession with seungmin is insaneee you don't need me to explain it to you. hyunjin srsly wants to know him carnally and i understand. "you're my singer", "i love to listen your voice the most", guy who can't go 2 seconds without mentioning seungmin in completely unrelated situations, that time on vlive when he admitted to watching 2 hours+ of seungjin edits? he's crazy. pray for him.
- he is also similarly insane about jeongin, which again, i understand. i think just watching both their 2krs will help u understand what i'm talking about. it's probably because these 3 were the only ones who went to school together so hyunjin got the most attached to them.
- the reason i put felix as a maybe is because it's a fairly new thing (2021) and it's less that felix is his favourite and more that hyunjin is literally in love with him. he has a gigantic soft spot for lix (couple rings, first person he ever drew a gift for, literally fixed his aversion to skinship) but idk if he gets favouritisms
jisung: seungmin, jeongin
- can we please take a moment to appreciate how hilarious it is that hyunjin & jisung have the exact same favourites. they are seriously the same person.
- jisung is... a very simple person. his seungmin favouritism stems mainly from the fact that they have the most similar work styles/music styles and are interested in the same kind of songwriting - he's said as much on multiple occasions
- obviously there's more to it but i feel like the jisung thought process goes seungmin is his favourite person to work with = seungmin is his favourite person, period. personal favourite (ha) moment is when they were doing 2 kids song and jisung whined for ages about how he wished that seungmin had come to his room instead of minho
- as for jeongin! no one is immune to the jeongin effect and neither is jisung!!! at the end of the day jisung just wants to have jeongin's babies and that's very respectable
- again, literally just watch their 2kr and you'll see what i'm talking about. jeongin brings out the most playful sides in jisung and it's so clear how Fond he is of his maknae u_u jisung is always trying to kiss everyone it's true but he's very specifically trying to kiss jeongin solely because of the tsundere tendencies
- also i feel like i should defend why i didn't put minho here: 1) "han could survive perfectly fine without minho" 2) minho is jisung's best friend. he's his soulmate. his ride or die, #1 choice for everything, but all of that is so Familiar and Easy and Comfortable that there's no favouritism that comes into play here
felix: hyunjin, changbin, (disgruntled) chan
- ok this was quite possibly the toughest for me to pick out... lee yongbok why are u so hard to read?! 😭 i'm still not fully satisfied with these choices but it's the closest i'll get i think
- i'm pretty confident about hyunjin - "when i think about you i have another reason to live but it's so much that i get overwhelmed" ????? who says that. wwhat normal and well adjusted person says that. on camera. it's insane how much felix cares about hyunjin and it really shines through in their solo interactions bc he's always so Fond
- changbin was the first person that felix was really close to. like yeah, he had chan, but changbin is sensitive and understood how to talk to felix when he was young and hurting and Also sensitive - unlike chan, who, well. we all know predebut chan was the harshest on felix. changbin was just a safe place for felix and i think that continues to be true to their dynamic even today ^^
- ik changlix get reduced to fanservice a lot but changbin and felix themselves have talked about how much felix relies on him
- also! hyunjin & changbin are the members that felix cuddles the most (src: felix's 1 kids room). he clearly feels comfortable around them and goes to them with his deep talks/when he needs to vent about his troubles
- ok. elephant in the room. bang chan.
- See It Is Impossible To Talk About Felix Without Talking About Chan, but also, they have so much history between them that it's really hard to call chan felix's favourite...
- i really don't think i can explain it like if you know chanlix then you automatically Get it. chan is an exception, yes, but it's not one borne out of favouritisms - if anything its the opposite. bang chan fighting!
seungmin: jeongin
- LIKE, WHO ELSE IS IT GONNA BE?!
- seungmin lovesss jeongin. he loves to annoy jeongin. that's his best friend. he loves jeongin and he loves spending time with jeongin and he's always going to be seungmin's #1 choice when it comes to anything at all
- i feel like i vaguely recall the members saying that seungmin plays favourites when it comes to jeongin in a really old video but i can't be arsed to find it right now. just trust me bro. what matters is that if you don't know where seungmin is he's probably with jeongin
- the reason i didn't add anyone else to his list is because once you look at the way seungmo treats jeongin and the way he treats anyone else, u kind of just connect the dots and Realise that jeongin is his One True Favourite. like sorry for sounding like a broken record but i genuinely don't know what else to say. it is always jeongin for seungmin and it always will be jeongin for seungmin
jeongin: seungmin, hyung line (collective)
- sorry for the cop-out with this one but other than felix i also have a hard time getting a read on jeongin. what are u thinking?! tell me?!?!
- seungmin favouritisms self-explanatory as usual. even though jeongin might not express it as well as seungmo does, it's very clear that he's biased when it comes to anything involving seungmin ^^ again, that's his best friend.
- ok now let me explain why i put all of hyung line like that - i feel like in general jeongin is a lot closer to hyung line than he is to 00 line. it's probably because he was there from the beginning and chan played a huge role in shaping jeongin into the person he is today x_x child trainee trauma etc etc...
- jeongin clearly admires chan (they all do), but there's just something different when it comes to jeongin and the impact that chan has had on him. same with minho and changbin, both of whom seriously helped jeongin improve his skills and come out of his shell during predebut days - all of which leads to jeongin feeling extra gratefulness/affection towards them which translates towards the favouritisms!
- his #1 is probably still seungmin though. congrats seungin for being the only ones with reciprocated favourites 🤝🏼
ok! that got longer than i expected! my criteria for "favourites" was specifically 1) is this member biased when it comes to anything involving this person? and 2) do their interactions differ significantly from their interactions with the other members? which is why favourites here does not correlate to who is closest to who. anyway, let me know if u agree or disagree!!
Entry tags:
minho bicycle
getting into stray kids again after almost 5 years has only resulted in me being more obsessed with lee know than i ever was before so obviously i need to talk at length about him and his relationships w the members. this isn't all of them just the ones i pay attention to the most.
( why is no one talking about lee minho!!! )
( why is no one talking about lee minho!!! )
hueningkai/taehyun otp: quote ranking
think we should abolish ship names and go back to the tumblr days when all the ship tags were like “otp: [quote of something they said to each other]”
— cait (@/rodrigoswifts) • January 17, 2021
i know i already have a very similar post and my entire tyunning thesis is centered around the fact that taehyun's love language is words of affirmation and kai's is most definitely Not. but even keeping all of that in mind i realised there's too many things they say about each other to the point where i would have a hard time picking a singular favourite quote - but i will attempt to do just that <3 (credits to this post for the idea + format!)
no. 20.
without a doubt huening kai who is the epitome of kindness!
who said it: taehyun
context: 2022 elle men interview, the question was "which member do you think is the nicest"
commentary: i think this quote sets the best tone for their dynamic. taehyun will jump at every single chance to compliment kai, and he thinks kai is the sun <3
no. 19.
even if we accidentally make eye contact, we start wrestling
who said it: kai
context: on a radio show, when they were asked about recent episodes at the dorm. kai says that him and taehyun have been wrestling a lot at the dorm
commentary: the two of them are pretty physically affectionate with each other except the affection is also synonymous with aggression - so many tyunning clips are just them wrestling while the other members do nothing but Stand There. i think it's sweet because they're almost always caught up in their own world / it's such a Typical Teenage Boy thing to do.
no. 18.
he [hnk] said he doesn't know why he said we fought either
who said it: taehyun
context: 210620 fansign. op was asking about something kai had said in an earlier fansign; that he'd once (verbally) fought with taehyun during predebut times. they asked taehyun for clarification, who said that they never fought and kai had lied for no reason
commentary: adding this for no reason other than the fact that it is so fucking funny to me. it's no secret that kai lies constantly and for free, but it's even funnier when he does it in context with taehyun because he is Like That. i think it's cute how vehemently taehyun tries to deny that they ever fought <3
no. 17.
if he looks sad, i say to him, “wanna play a game?”
who said it: kai
context: in the blue hour weverse interview. he's talking about how he's not good at confrontation, and prefers to let taehyun talk to him when he's ready rather than ask about it directly
commentary: very special bit of dynamic to me because taehyun is the exact opposite - self-declared most straightforward person on the planet. this is a pretty big disconnect in their communication styles but kai still works to overcome it how he can, he is an angel and a dream and i love him
no. 16.
i especially care for you a lot
who said it: taehyun
context: from the 2nd photo book h:our in jeju, when they're giving messages to each other. the full quote is "i don’t know if it’s because you’re my only same-age friend in the team or because you’re my roommate, but i especially care for you a lot."
commentary: here's kangtae saying something that the rest of us already knew i.e. that he has a bad case of favouritism for kai. yet another episode of him being self-aware and Knowing that he does like kai a lot more than he does the others, and then proceeding to say it out loud and causing me intense embarrassment
no. 15.
i talk about it with huening kai, who is my roommate
who said it: taehyun
context: from the txt narratives interview by j14. taehyun is asked how he deals with his worries and he replies that he deals with his smaller problems himself, and for anything else he talks to kai.
commentary: taehyun's mentioned on many occasions that he goes to kai (and soobin!) for advice and i just think it's sweet how much he relies on him T_T also he will never pass up an opportunity to mention the fact that kai is his roommate. i fear for his sanity if they ever have to stop being roommates.
no. 14.
you are my everything
who said it: taehyun
context: from the s cawaii magazine page, writing messages for each other. the full quote is "hueningkai who is always so cool that i can’t take my eyes off him. you are my everything."
commentary: i think this is pretty self-explanatory, but... taehyun just doesn't know how to repress. he always says the most heartfelt shit about kai in every single interview. (which is a bit sadistically hilarious because the difference between what kai says & what taehyun does - for this interview, kai's message was "i am happy because taehyun is here ^_^". that vs You Are My Everything.)
no. 13.
whenever i look to my side, hueningie is always there
who said it: taehyun
context: 2022 seasons greetings
commentary: once again with the heartfelt shit. never change kangtaehyun. this one also hits harder because kai didn't even mention taehyun in his own message... but that is a topic for another day
no. 12.
hueningkai, because he's tall!
who said it: taehyun
context: at a fansign in 2021, he was asked to rank who he likes linking arms with the most and he put hueningkai at #1 and yeonjun at #2.
commentary: once again with the physical affection point, it's so cute because taehyun genuinely is always clinging to hnk <3 can i take a moment to talk to you about our lord and saviour tyunning_height_difference would you please like to talk about our lord and saviour tyunning_height_difference
no. 11.
even if you don’t tell me 100%, but only 5% of the things you live with
who said it: taehyun
context: taehyun's 2021 birthday message for kai. the full quote is "even if you don’t tell me 100%, but only just 5% of the things you live with without expressing much, i won’t ever say anything against you so i hope (you’ll tell them to me) i hope you’ll always be happy"
commentary: what can i say... hueningkai who is arguably the hardest person to read and taehyun who is entirely see-through. all taehyun wants is for kai to trust to him, i think this was just a very sweet message overall T_T
no. 10.
he buys sprite for me separately
who said it: taehyun
context: taehyun is talking about how kai knows he doesn't like cola, so he'll remember to buy drinks for him separately. he's said this on multiple occasions, but one of them was on ebs listen (their radio show), when taehyun was talking about examples of kai's kindness
commentary: hueningkai acts of service love language - what else is there to it!! unlike taehyun he may not constantly (and verbally) make public declarations of love but he shows it where it matters and taehyun also recognises that :') they are seriously so best_friends.jpg sometimes
no. 9.
i know him like the back of my hand
who said it: taehyun
context: at a radio show, they were asked "which member do you think you would be able to find even if they ghosted you?" and taehyun replied that he would be able to find hueningkai
commentary: just taehyun trying to establish himself as Guy Who Knows Kai Best. also interesting to note that kai has nothing to say on this matter <3
no. 8.
he goes out of his way to voluntarily find means of joy
who said it: kai
context: he's said this (about taehyun) on multiple occasions, usually when they're asked to give messages to each other, but some of the recent ones are the 2022 elle men interview and his 2022 dream week letter to kth
commentary: FINALLY SOMETHING FROM KAI!!! if you were getting sick of watching taehyun's heart bleed out on the floor don't worry i was too. anyway, this is a really sweet line to me simply because of how often kai mentions it - you can tell it's something he truly admires about taehyun, and it's not something generic enough that anyone could say it
no. 7.
i like you, date me
who said it: taehyun
context: on ebs listen, they're discussing how teens confess to each other and taehyun gets... a little too into character
commentary: was tempted to leave this without context because it genuinely doesn't need any. taehyun is just like this as a person. also a honorary mention to this moment also on their radio. taehyun please stop confessing to kai on camera it does literally no one any good
no. 6.
as much as i love you? but i can't give you everything
who said it: taehyun
context: during txt idol wonderland. kai asks taehyun to give him as many stickers as is equivalent to his love for kai, and this is taehyun's response
commentary: i don't even know what to add to these at this point... taehyun says enough for the both of us. he's obsessed with kai, he's in love, etc etc
no. 5.
huening is my rock
who said it: taehyun
context: during the tccf weverse interview, he was asked about how it felt to turn 19 alongside kai. the full quote is "he was the one who made me realize, 'you’re not walking alone'; 'you’re not going forward by yourself.'"
commentary: taehyun being bleeding_heart.jpg yet again. it's so clear that he puts a lot of thought into everything he says about kai and that he really treasures their friendship T_T once again, kai was a lot more lighthearted in his own description of taehyun ("he put his faith in me first, so naturally i came to trust him")
no. 4.
he looks at me with jealous and loving eyes
who said it: kai
context: on ebs listen, the full quote is "recently i’ve felt something, should i call it a loving gaze that taehyun gives me? i keep feeling it on me. he’ll know what i’m talking about too."
commentary: KAI... WHY WOULD YOU EXPOSE HIM LIKE THIS ON LIVE CAMERA? i have never felt so much secondhand embarrassment in my life. especially when taehyun was like "i have no idea what you're talking about" like babe let's not lie!!! anyway taehyun open book saga never ends
no. 3.
because he’s mine
who said it: taehyun
context: during the 3rd photobook h:our shoot, he's asked to pick a word that suits the other member the most and taehyun says "i'll put 'mine' for huening, because he's mine"
commentary: no words... just zero... if i had a nickel for every time taehyun has said "huening is mine" i would have three nickels and that is three nickels TOO MANY.
no. 2.
i don't think there's anyone else like you
who said it: kai
context: during 2022 dream week, in his letter to taehyun
commentary: this whole letter just. fucking killed me. kai who may not be the best with words but spent a lot of time writing this letter because he knows that taehyun takes things like these seriously!! the love language compromise of it all!!! you can feel his sincerity shine through so much, i seriously recommending reading the whole letter because it was so hard for me to just pick one line from it T_T
no. 1.
even when the world freezes over i want to be your warmth
who said it: taehyun
context: on bighit music record, he starts off by saying "from your sputnik, taehyun-ah"
commentary: this is just. this is the tyunning quote of All Time. i need this tattooed to my eyelids, plastered on every wall in my room, etc etc. taehyun has such a knack for saying the most stupidly poetic shit about kai unprovoked and it hits even more because you know he means every single word of it. plus him starting off by calling himself kai's sputnik - based off the song they worked on together - everything about it is just perfect and i think it's truly the quote that summarises them the best.
bonus!
you two look like a couple
who said it: soobin
— cait (@/rodrigoswifts) • January 17, 2021
i know i already have a very similar post and my entire tyunning thesis is centered around the fact that taehyun's love language is words of affirmation and kai's is most definitely Not. but even keeping all of that in mind i realised there's too many things they say about each other to the point where i would have a hard time picking a singular favourite quote - but i will attempt to do just that <3 (credits to this post for the idea + format!)
try to pretend like this isn't just 80% taehyun failing to repress
no. 20.
without a doubt huening kai who is the epitome of kindness!
who said it: taehyun
context: 2022 elle men interview, the question was "which member do you think is the nicest"
commentary: i think this quote sets the best tone for their dynamic. taehyun will jump at every single chance to compliment kai, and he thinks kai is the sun <3
no. 19.
even if we accidentally make eye contact, we start wrestling
who said it: kai
context: on a radio show, when they were asked about recent episodes at the dorm. kai says that him and taehyun have been wrestling a lot at the dorm
commentary: the two of them are pretty physically affectionate with each other except the affection is also synonymous with aggression - so many tyunning clips are just them wrestling while the other members do nothing but Stand There. i think it's sweet because they're almost always caught up in their own world / it's such a Typical Teenage Boy thing to do.
no. 18.
he [hnk] said he doesn't know why he said we fought either
who said it: taehyun
context: 210620 fansign. op was asking about something kai had said in an earlier fansign; that he'd once (verbally) fought with taehyun during predebut times. they asked taehyun for clarification, who said that they never fought and kai had lied for no reason
commentary: adding this for no reason other than the fact that it is so fucking funny to me. it's no secret that kai lies constantly and for free, but it's even funnier when he does it in context with taehyun because he is Like That. i think it's cute how vehemently taehyun tries to deny that they ever fought <3
no. 17.
if he looks sad, i say to him, “wanna play a game?”
who said it: kai
context: in the blue hour weverse interview. he's talking about how he's not good at confrontation, and prefers to let taehyun talk to him when he's ready rather than ask about it directly
commentary: very special bit of dynamic to me because taehyun is the exact opposite - self-declared most straightforward person on the planet. this is a pretty big disconnect in their communication styles but kai still works to overcome it how he can, he is an angel and a dream and i love him
no. 16.
i especially care for you a lot
who said it: taehyun
context: from the 2nd photo book h:our in jeju, when they're giving messages to each other. the full quote is "i don’t know if it’s because you’re my only same-age friend in the team or because you’re my roommate, but i especially care for you a lot."
commentary: here's kangtae saying something that the rest of us already knew i.e. that he has a bad case of favouritism for kai. yet another episode of him being self-aware and Knowing that he does like kai a lot more than he does the others, and then proceeding to say it out loud and causing me intense embarrassment
no. 15.
i talk about it with huening kai, who is my roommate
who said it: taehyun
context: from the txt narratives interview by j14. taehyun is asked how he deals with his worries and he replies that he deals with his smaller problems himself, and for anything else he talks to kai.
commentary: taehyun's mentioned on many occasions that he goes to kai (and soobin!) for advice and i just think it's sweet how much he relies on him T_T also he will never pass up an opportunity to mention the fact that kai is his roommate. i fear for his sanity if they ever have to stop being roommates.
no. 14.
you are my everything
who said it: taehyun
context: from the s cawaii magazine page, writing messages for each other. the full quote is "hueningkai who is always so cool that i can’t take my eyes off him. you are my everything."
commentary: i think this is pretty self-explanatory, but... taehyun just doesn't know how to repress. he always says the most heartfelt shit about kai in every single interview. (which is a bit sadistically hilarious because the difference between what kai says & what taehyun does - for this interview, kai's message was "i am happy because taehyun is here ^_^". that vs You Are My Everything.)
no. 13.
whenever i look to my side, hueningie is always there
who said it: taehyun
context: 2022 seasons greetings
commentary: once again with the heartfelt shit. never change kangtaehyun. this one also hits harder because kai didn't even mention taehyun in his own message... but that is a topic for another day
no. 12.
hueningkai, because he's tall!
who said it: taehyun
context: at a fansign in 2021, he was asked to rank who he likes linking arms with the most and he put hueningkai at #1 and yeonjun at #2.
commentary: once again with the physical affection point, it's so cute because taehyun genuinely is always clinging to hnk <3 can i take a moment to talk to you about our lord and saviour tyunning_height_difference would you please like to talk about our lord and saviour tyunning_height_difference
no. 11.
even if you don’t tell me 100%, but only 5% of the things you live with
who said it: taehyun
context: taehyun's 2021 birthday message for kai. the full quote is "even if you don’t tell me 100%, but only just 5% of the things you live with without expressing much, i won’t ever say anything against you so i hope (you’ll tell them to me) i hope you’ll always be happy"
commentary: what can i say... hueningkai who is arguably the hardest person to read and taehyun who is entirely see-through. all taehyun wants is for kai to trust to him, i think this was just a very sweet message overall T_T
no. 10.
he buys sprite for me separately
who said it: taehyun
context: taehyun is talking about how kai knows he doesn't like cola, so he'll remember to buy drinks for him separately. he's said this on multiple occasions, but one of them was on ebs listen (their radio show), when taehyun was talking about examples of kai's kindness
commentary: hueningkai acts of service love language - what else is there to it!! unlike taehyun he may not constantly (and verbally) make public declarations of love but he shows it where it matters and taehyun also recognises that :') they are seriously so best_friends.jpg sometimes
no. 9.
i know him like the back of my hand
who said it: taehyun
context: at a radio show, they were asked "which member do you think you would be able to find even if they ghosted you?" and taehyun replied that he would be able to find hueningkai
commentary: just taehyun trying to establish himself as Guy Who Knows Kai Best. also interesting to note that kai has nothing to say on this matter <3
no. 8.
he goes out of his way to voluntarily find means of joy
who said it: kai
context: he's said this (about taehyun) on multiple occasions, usually when they're asked to give messages to each other, but some of the recent ones are the 2022 elle men interview and his 2022 dream week letter to kth
commentary: FINALLY SOMETHING FROM KAI!!! if you were getting sick of watching taehyun's heart bleed out on the floor don't worry i was too. anyway, this is a really sweet line to me simply because of how often kai mentions it - you can tell it's something he truly admires about taehyun, and it's not something generic enough that anyone could say it
no. 7.
i like you, date me
who said it: taehyun
context: on ebs listen, they're discussing how teens confess to each other and taehyun gets... a little too into character
commentary: was tempted to leave this without context because it genuinely doesn't need any. taehyun is just like this as a person. also a honorary mention to this moment also on their radio. taehyun please stop confessing to kai on camera it does literally no one any good
no. 6.
as much as i love you? but i can't give you everything
who said it: taehyun
context: during txt idol wonderland. kai asks taehyun to give him as many stickers as is equivalent to his love for kai, and this is taehyun's response
commentary: i don't even know what to add to these at this point... taehyun says enough for the both of us. he's obsessed with kai, he's in love, etc etc
no. 5.
huening is my rock
who said it: taehyun
context: during the tccf weverse interview, he was asked about how it felt to turn 19 alongside kai. the full quote is "he was the one who made me realize, 'you’re not walking alone'; 'you’re not going forward by yourself.'"
commentary: taehyun being bleeding_heart.jpg yet again. it's so clear that he puts a lot of thought into everything he says about kai and that he really treasures their friendship T_T once again, kai was a lot more lighthearted in his own description of taehyun ("he put his faith in me first, so naturally i came to trust him")
no. 4.
he looks at me with jealous and loving eyes
who said it: kai
context: on ebs listen, the full quote is "recently i’ve felt something, should i call it a loving gaze that taehyun gives me? i keep feeling it on me. he’ll know what i’m talking about too."
commentary: KAI... WHY WOULD YOU EXPOSE HIM LIKE THIS ON LIVE CAMERA? i have never felt so much secondhand embarrassment in my life. especially when taehyun was like "i have no idea what you're talking about" like babe let's not lie!!! anyway taehyun open book saga never ends
no. 3.
because he’s mine
who said it: taehyun
context: during the 3rd photobook h:our shoot, he's asked to pick a word that suits the other member the most and taehyun says "i'll put 'mine' for huening, because he's mine"
commentary: no words... just zero... if i had a nickel for every time taehyun has said "huening is mine" i would have three nickels and that is three nickels TOO MANY.
no. 2.
i don't think there's anyone else like you
who said it: kai
context: during 2022 dream week, in his letter to taehyun
commentary: this whole letter just. fucking killed me. kai who may not be the best with words but spent a lot of time writing this letter because he knows that taehyun takes things like these seriously!! the love language compromise of it all!!! you can feel his sincerity shine through so much, i seriously recommending reading the whole letter because it was so hard for me to just pick one line from it T_T
no. 1.
even when the world freezes over i want to be your warmth
who said it: taehyun
context: on bighit music record, he starts off by saying "from your sputnik, taehyun-ah"
commentary: this is just. this is the tyunning quote of All Time. i need this tattooed to my eyelids, plastered on every wall in my room, etc etc. taehyun has such a knack for saying the most stupidly poetic shit about kai unprovoked and it hits even more because you know he means every single word of it. plus him starting off by calling himself kai's sputnik - based off the song they worked on together - everything about it is just perfect and i think it's truly the quote that summarises them the best.
bonus!
you two look like a couple
who said it: soobin
minor list of txt agendas
it's been exactly one month of my moafication so i want to note down all the agendas and theses i've been postulating for future reference / my own record-keeping. essentially a list of my favourite dynamics so far and some things i've picked up on that i want to talk about in more detail ^-^
the girl agenda
taegyu was the first txt dynamic i was intrigued by and it's still one of my favourites but my thoughts on them are too complicated to be encapsulated through bullet points so here is a meme instead:
manhandling (???)
(...)
the girl agenda
- this is my Main Agenda... it's The Agenda..... the fact of the matter is that they are all girls. except soobin. and taehyun on some days.
- if this was any other day i would've written essays on how they exhibit the most hashtag girl behaviour of all time but as luck would have it i am writing this immediately after hnk skater boy cover dropped... the closet is made of glass 🏳️⚧️
- i am a very predictable person! this is not news. anyone who knows me knows i'm a sucker for dynamics where one of them gets babied/the older one is the whipped one and yeonkai give me this on a perfect platter. except it's even better because they both flirt equal amounts (dare i say the flirtiest members of txt?).
- they're also so physically affectionate with each other and it's so... the puppy/kittyisms never go out of style... my favourite genre of yeonkai is when yj does something to try and fluster hnk but kai turns it around on him and yeonjun ends up being the one flustered instead. see: here and here.
- on that note their hand kisses are lovely to me it's serving so much princess/white knight. this is a very niche comparison to make but they have the same energy as apple & darling from ever after high --> where is the lesbian royalty au with princess hyuka who gets saved by her knight in shining armour yeonjun
- OF COURSE I NEED TO MENTION YEONJUN NOONA... and the less frequent but ever-present yeonjun unnie and yeonjun oppa.... kai is on a mission to girlfriendzone yeonjun and honestly i respect him greatly for it
- i think tyunning might be my favourite dynamic overall currently o__o the appeal lies in the fact that taehyun literally acts normal around everyone except kai. he's so transparent it's not even funny. sometimes it brings me physical pain to watch him like [shakes him] kang taehyun pls get a grip
- see: here and here and here and here. CAN I HELP YOU???
- honestly it's so... kai is just a manic pixie dream girl and taehyun is the unwitting john green protagonist who is obsessed with her... taehyun would do anything if hnk simply asked. which is crazy! that's kang taehyun! how do you have The kang taehyun wrapped around your finger like that!
- even though kai is generally the more bubbly one it's taehyun who's the more straightforward one - whenever they have to say sappy messages or be serious it's always taehyun who says all the heartfelt shit and kai just tries to turn it into a joke. which is so. clenches fist. there's so much to say here. once again Kang Taehyun Please Get A Grip
- u can't talk about any kai pairing without talking about soobin and when it comes to tyunning especially it's so... soobin understands kai's #hiddendepths in a way that no one else can not even taehyun which is bound to make him frown but also they're all way too decent for any real complexes to arise out of it. in fic however. IN FIC HOWEVER,
- also i feel obligated to mention that taehyun is the perfect 0. that does play a significant role in why i like them so much.
- i have nothing else to add... tyunning is perfect.... my final message.....
taegyu was the first txt dynamic i was intrigued by and it's still one of my favourites but my thoughts on them are too complicated to be encapsulated through bullet points so here is a meme instead:
manhandling (???)
- it feels fitting to put this after taegyu but genuinely i think it applies to everyone in txt
- maybe it's because they're all tall/work out. but. their physical aggression is always so Charged it makes me look left and right like. is anyone else seeing this
- see: here and here and here and here. not to mention all of their intensely homoerotic arm wrestling??? guys can i help you??????
- more often than not the culprits of said manhandling are taehyun and hyuka (with their preferred victims as beomgyu and soobin respectively) which is crazy to me. guys please get ahold of your maknaes.
- anyway this is extremely funny to watch irl and makes for great material in fic 🍽🍽
- originally taejun was just me going "two cats... they should kiss" but then i read this and realised that holy shit... tinhat potentialz off the charts?!?!
- it's about the < known each other for the longest > and the < constantly compared to each other predebut > and the < trip to america with "memories only we share" > and the < driving forces > of it all
- taehyun is yeonjun's #1 supporter and he has never done anything non-seriously in his life so you can tell that he truly deeply respects yeonjun's work whenever he compliments it... see this recent clip that made me feel extremely normal. once again, taehyun u are so transparent it is a little bit worrying.
- we all know taehyun looks up to yeonjun but i think what it makes this dynamic truly delicious is that there are many things about taehyun that yeonjun can envy as well... how taehyun never shies away from showing his hard work vs how yeonjun tries to portray himself as effortless... how taehyun can afford to be straightforward vs how yeonjun's not used to that... it's just beautiful.
- of course, in the end, it IS about the fact that they are two cats and they should kiss
- see here
- i need you to know that this was my introduction to beomgyu. this was the first thing i ever saw about him and i was like oh wow he is my princess now. and here i am 4 weeks later and he is still my princess
- i know i called taehyun the perfect 0 earlier but like... beomgyu puts literally everyone to shame when it comes to being a 0. i say this with the utmost amount of love in my heart.
- the whole purpose behind this agenda is that beomgyu deserves everything and if he is ever unhappy i will break many objects... he is my princess girl and thus needs to be treated as such... he deserves attention and gifts and love not necessarily in that order
- this is why my favourite beomgyu ships are beomkai & taegyu because i feel like they are the most indulgent of him... they understand the princess agenda They Understand Me....
- on that note i need kai to call him noona again
- tl;dr i'm a very simple person i just want to see beomgyu loved. that's all
- TYUNNINGSOOB... i touched upon this while talking about tyunning earlier but the potential of these 3 is just. unmatched. it's just two guys who are obsessed with kai and i love it when people are obsessed with kai because i am also obsessed with kai. everyone and their mom has a sookai complex but taehyun has a Sookai Complex so there's just so much to explore in terms of dynamics here <3__<3
- taegyujun started off as an excuse for me to shove my faves together but they're actually SO TINHAT. taegyu bickering + taejun mutual admiration + beomjun flirting/antagonising/whatever weird mating ritual they have going on atm = never a boring day at home.
- ^^ also i know that all three of them work out together but yeonjun & taehyun are visibly More Built than beomgyu. and beomgyu is Like That, as a person. my proposal is beomgyu (princess) and her two girlfriends who constantly manhandle her for free. everyone profits here but most especially beomgyu
- hanlimz hold a very special place in my heart not only bc they are my current bias line but also bc i just have a soft spot for maknae lines in general. it's so cute how easily they all bicker and tease each other i have nothing more intelligent to add here
Entry tags:
favourite txt lyrics
txt have my favourite discography in kpop right now
the dream chapter: star
- you like red roses / you've got a thing for the blue sea / but i like violet and i want to go to the mountains (blue orangeade)
- minus one, plus, plus one (blue orangeade)
- spread before your eyes is the ivory milky way (our summer)
- blooming gold season (our summer)
- what we've got is no coincidence but a kitty-cidence (cat & dog)
- i don't wanna be just friends / can i be a pet? (cat & dog)
- i'm rude but never in front of you (cat & dog)
- every single lyric in cat & dog is gold actually.
- i can touch you even if you're not in my sight (nap of a star)
the dream chapter: magic
- right now, what i need is your hand (run away)
- my heart floats around in my body (roller coaster)
- fireworks that i feel when i bite a whole mouthful of stardust (popping star)
- high-five with the sky across my desk (popping star)
- we're done playing boring roles / and we've become each others' (can't we just leave the monster alive?)
- i don't care if you cut me with a knife / i won't hurt you (can't we just leave the monster alive?)
- my height and my feelings towards you must have grown in step with each other (20 cm)
- counting the number of your eyelashes as if they were a mathematical formula (20 cm)
- only one more handspan closer to you (20 cm)
- love is like a scratch-off lottery (angel or devil)
- finer than heaven, fire that's hotter than hell (angel or devil)
- spinning round and round again, the worries of moebius (angel or devil)
- if you want them i'll pull them up right away / whatever you want your highness (angel or devil)
the dream chapter: eternity
- a cool smile is your main weapon (drama)
- i'm with you but my mind feels strange / my body constantly feels like a cg (drama)
- the one who planted in my heart a silver-coloured fantasy (fairy of shampoo)
- i'm not allowed to whine anymore even though i'm hurt (maze in the mirror)
- please don't give up on me (maze in the mirror) (T_T)
- on that moon / my mom's face who i was longing for (puma)
- a sleeping blue secret (eternally)
- the story ends with five stars always together (sweat)
minisode: blue hour
- that look in your eyes, like an emptied gift box (blue hour)
- you're the one that i want / everything that i want, blue (blue hour)
- many first days after the first day on my calendar (we lost the summer)
- lovesick, no vaccine (we lost the summer)
- hiding a sigh behind my cramped mask / i hate my face without expressions (we lost the summer)
- a week like a nightmare, a month, another year (we lost the summer) (too real...)
- matching your heart is harder than a test (wishlist)
- my heart overflows again (wishlist)
- i make a wish upon the sky / that we could remember each other forever (way home)
the chaos chapter: freeze
- sweet and slightly bitter chocolate / the aftertaste is always the same (anti-romantic)
- in this world of zero you're my one and only (lovesong)
- angel who appeared before me / take me to your hometown (lovesong)
- i'm full of problems, lovesick (lovesong)
- PLEASE USE ME LIKE A DRUG (lovesong)
- all or nothing, i want all of you (lovesong)
- i won't be able to get into heaven / no place for me there (lovesong)
- can you guess what my favourite txt song is haha :)?
- secretly with my heart / i wish for things to be unfair for everyone (ice cream)
- honey-like silence (balance game)
- the moment we hold each other you are my orbit (dear sputnik)
- our orbits are finally overlapping / we met like it was a miracle (dear sputnik)
- make me believe in eternity (dear sputnik)
bonus: anti-romantic, beomgyu's version
- the confession that they'll give you everything, it's hilarious now
- nothing lasts forever / everyone knows the ending / it's like a movie
- i become one step more distant / you become one step closer
- i don't want a relationship that's worse than strangers, don't come closer
the chaos chapter: fight or escape
- my hand clutching yours, it's all banged up / it doesn't matter when i'm with you (loser=lover)
- wings spread and broken, flying to eternity (loser=lover)
- fighting bleeding losing fighting bleeding losing losing losing crying f-
- the time spent between you and i is like a dream (moa diary)
aespa intro + dynamics
so i’ve gotten into aespa pretty recently and i was looking for a dreamwidth post breaking down their haptics/proxemics and i found… nothing. so i decided to take matters into my own hands. i have crazy 2pick tunnel vision but i’ve tried to be as objective as possible + i hope this is helpful in terms of getting more familiar with aespa’s dynamics and how they all interact with each other!
i can’t believe this post got to almost 4k words but also i can… all of aespa somehow have super different & intriguing dynamics with each other and it’s so refreshing to see. none of them are truly awkward in the way that rookies (especially girl groups) usually are with each other and i’m assuming it’s mostly because of how few they are + how close they are in age. a big part of what makes them so successful is how much chemistry they have with each other both on and off-stage and this is only the first year in their career! i genuinely can’t wait to see how all their dynamics grow and develop with the coming years because i know it’s going to be promising.
some quick introductions for each member before we get into the meat of it all
karina
(real name: yu jimin, born in 2000)- my beloved 1pick…<3 leader center ace visual9000 and all this is me being completely unbiased
- the first thing that caught my eye about her is that she’s extremely confident without coming off as tryhard. right from her first video she barely even feels like a rookie. i think this self-assured aura usually leads people to assume she’s arrogant but it couldn't be farther from the truth lmao
- other members (i.e. winter) have even described her as "ahjussi-like" or said that she has a "mischievous" side to her - it's not something she displays on camera very often but it's clear that there's more to her than what she does choose to display :')
- in reality she comes off as a very well-meaning leader - she has trouble saying no to the younger members though i’m not sure if that’s just a winter/ningning thing or a specifically karina thing
- she's also very very physically affectionate - i think aespa in general (by virtue of being close, and you know, Girls) are quite easy with skinship and her especially <3
- she’s great at variety shows + born performer. like most female idols (or idols in general honestly) she’s very image-conscious and everything she says has a lot of thought put into it even if it isn’t immediately obvious
- personal thing but her favourite animal being snakes… constantly saying she resembles a snake… catering to me and me only.
- she’s surprisingly very easy to fluster :’) the other members tease her a lot which is a dynamic that’s been established from the start and i think it’s so endearing
- she’s also a writer and has said she wants to learn how to produce music!
- ending this section by saying that i love karina
giselle
(real name: uchinaga aeri, born in 2000)- i mean this in the nicest way possible but every time i see her all i can think is “what are u doing here”
- her initial videos show that she was a bit awkward but she’s recently found her footing through their american interviews + promos though and it’s been great seeing her be more confident :’)
- she obviously struggles with maintaining the whole girl group idol persona that the others have down pat, but it’s also part of what makes her so endearing - she’s Just Some Girl
- i feel like her humour is so terminally online it’s hilarious <3 her relatability factor is insane i feel like we could literally be friends
- on that note i think she’s genuinely one of the funniest members after ningning 😭 she has a way of making everyone laugh and she does it in both korean & english which is truly a talent
- she’s quite laid-back (?) not sure if that’s fully the correct term for what i want to say but she’s very unbothered by a lot of things and generally calm… channelling “simple is best” like she always says
- her hypebeast vibes are unparalleled i love when girls are dudebros and she is the girl who is the dudebro of all time. when she pulls up to the next video in a reverse snapback >
- in summary while she was off to a rocky start she’s been settling into things pretty well and i’m excited to see her grow more in the future
winter
(real name: kim minjeong, born in 2001)- beloved pet and my poor little woof woof mindoongie u are seriously everything
- she has a sharp tongue and the face of an angel so everything she says takes me like 10 seconds to fully understand. it’s both a blessing and a curse
- i think it’s cute how everyone described their first impressions of her as quiet/shy but were quick to say that she’s nothing like that… i think winter really is the kind of person who needs time to warm up to you and then she will stick like a leech
- re: her sharp tongue she’s extremely quick-witted which makes her great for variety shows but i think some people could also not like how blunt she is (i personally think it’s awesome keep it coming winter)
- she gets sulky SO EASILY aespa maknae line in general are sooo evil when it comes to using aegyo to get what they want like wow i pity karina sometimes. how can you say no to this
- her pet sociopath tendencies are perfect to me tbh i love when girls are insane and do anything to get their way… also her unabashedly leaning into the puppyfication <3
- her permanently aegyo voice is very endearing honestly but the flip to when shes not actively trying to be Girl Group Persona is so funny. i think to an extent she’s also pretty image-conscious in the sense that she wants to come off as cute
- she’s < introvert surrounded by extroverts >
- when i heard that she keeps cat treats in her purse to feed the cats at the hair salon they go to that was It for me i’m afraid
- also what is the point of her having short hair if sm keeps giving her those horrible extensions 😖 please let her be sexy please
- tl;dr she’s evil and fucked up but also so cute and lovely. To Me
ningning
(real name: ning yizhuo, born in 2002)- the member who caught my eye the most during debut ❤️__❤️ insane visuals and an insane set of lungs she’s the whole package for real + my 2pick <3
- as the only remaining smrookies girl who decided to stay with the company she’s definitely a bit apart from the rest of the group and u can see it from how everyone said they thought she was older than them at first
- unparalleled maknae on top energy… she will get everything she wants and then some
- she reminds me of chenle in the sense that neither of them particularly care for their ‘idol image’? ningning will make weird facial expressions without caring about how they make her look
- she also has a habit of saying things unprovoked which usually catches people’s attention + she’ll immediately have on her innocent expression afterwards lmao
- (i’m telling u aespa maknae line have an unfair advantage. they are not above using coochie eyes to get out of anything and everything.)
- she’s sooo funny even without trying i think it really shone through in their huya lives. i think i’d call her their moodmaker? she really seems to play a huge role in the group’s energy and how they all come together
- similar to karina her confidence is off the charts… she carries herself effortlessly and it’s impossible for her to not catch your eye. she’s also a little bit obsessed with herself but honestly if i looked like that, i would be too
- another terminally online member btw
- i love ningning there’s nothing more to it really
the pairings
karina + giselle ❤🌙
- unnie line! they used to be roommates + they’re the same age so they have a pretty familiar/easy dynamic with each other
- karina said that she was closest to giselle in an interview once and it’s pretty easy to tell from how easily they tease each other
- they have a reputation for being scaredy cats since maknae line are always trying to get them to go on rollercoasters/watch scary movies but both karina & giselle prefer calmer activities
- they’re also very physically affectionate with each other which is typical of most of aespa but karina especially is so clingy sometimes :’)
- even though karina is still a few months older than giselle, it’s usually giselle who takes care of her which is cute because it’s the one pair where karina isn’t the one babying the other
- some examples of karina (literally) leaning on giselle. physical affection point too!
- also i love how they both come together to tease the fuck out of winter i think it’s hilarious both bc of how sulky winter gets + how smug karina and giselle look
- one of my favourite moments: i think it’s so funny how even giselle was surprised to hear that karina wasn’t actually calling her ‘baby’ like she was fully willing to roll with it
- they’re the brand of girl best friends who will stop at nothing to hype each other up and they compliment each other so easily (as opposed to maknae line…)
karina + winter ❤⭐
- ough the sm-assigned cp… blatant fanservice is usually a hit or miss for me but in winrina’s case it’s definitely a hit. why are they Like That.
- (although, it wouldn't be entirely fair to dismiss their whole relationship as fanservice, seeing as they're the members that have known each other the longest and Are genuinely very close. but you get what i mean)
- they’ve had a push-and-pull dynamic from the start so you can see how close they are! tom and jerry vibes
- karina love love loves teasing winter (1, 2, 3, but there’s SO MUCH MORE) and it seriously pays off because winter plays into the kicked puppy role so much. she permanently looks like "you kick miette? you kick miette like the football? jail for karina. jail for karina for one thousand years"
- she’s always pouting/sulking as a result of karina & karina just looks insane with glee <3 as i’ve said before karina loves babying the others so it makes sense lmao
- re: winter leaning into puppyfication naturally karina uses it to tease her a lot but is it really teasing if it’s true…?
- don’t worry though winter is equally capable of getting back @ karina and she does so by calling her babe like it’s second nature
- i called winter a pet sociopath before and i still think it holds the truest when it comes to karina - but also i’m just a huge fan of #maknae_right. (and also just. these pictures???)
- can’t find a source rn but karina called winter her halli galli rival so there’s some more competition-bickering-adjacent haptics & proxemics for you
- they’re almost always in their own little world, they’re so silly with each other in a way that they aren’t with the other members
karina + ningning ❤🦋
- MY 2PICK… i’ll try to be normal about them i will but i seriously can’t…
- karina is < guy who loves babying others > and ningning is < guy who loves being babied > so they’re just the perfect match for each other
- i talked about this before but ningning is the most Maknae to ever Maknae and karina is terrible at saying no to people. all it takes is one well-timed 🥺 and karina will fall at her feet
- karina said that when she first met ningning she thought ning was an unnie so she used honorifics for her for a whole month before ningning corrected her and that’s honestly their entire dynamic summed up
- they’re also very physically affectionate with each other re: babying/baby point… ningning’s head and karina’s shoulder are matching magnets
- whoever made this compilation of karina smiling at ningning before all her high notes deserves a fucking award it’s just sooo cute >__< she really is karina’s baby
- i’ve repeated myself so much already but karina really cannot go one second without calling ningning ‘cute’ or ‘baby’ it makes me want to smash my head into a brick wall. dynamics were the older one is whipped for the younger one
- from a < tinhat perspective > it’s easy to dismiss their relationship as just babyzoning but have u considered karina repressed lesbianisms & ningning being Like That at all given points of time?
- ending this with ningning’s favourite seat as karina’s lap
giselle + winter 🌙⭐
- self-proclaimed dumb and dumber duo!!! never a dull moment with these two around
- i think this is characteristic of all winter pairings but they’re just so silly with each other <3 winter has a knack for saying random things and giselle matches that energy when she's with her
- this moment from one of their first videos does a good job of setting the tone for their entire dynamic - they will never take anything seriously
- they go shopping together pretty frequently and winter also described giselle as the member who matches her tastes the most
- remember what i said about kariselle teaming up to tease winter? winselle also team up to tease karina. call it reparations
- giselle calls winter her baby chick isn’t that the cutest nickname you’ve ever heard
- she also fulfils her god-given right as part of unnie line to tease winter as much as she can
- they only have a 2 month age difference so they’re pretty close/familiar with each other even though winter plays up the < maknae angle > so much it’s hilarious
giselle + ningning 🌙🦋
- they have the trauma bond built from third-wheeling winrina together <3
- i’m kidding!! they’re soo sweet with each other giselle is obvs not immune to ningning’s < babyisms > and spends so much time fawning over her
- ningning also returns the favour, this moment lives in my brain because of how understatedly soft it is :’) you can tell giselle is really touched too
- once again they have the best of unnie x dongsaeng haptics and proxemics, but it’s different from ningrina because giselle doesn’t *baby* people the way karina does - so it’s even sweeter to see her take care of ningning because she doesn’t usually do that 😭
- one of their cutest moments for real… the way ningning looks Genuinely Disturbed is the cherry on top for me
- giselle is usually the first to laugh whenever ningning does anything funny :)<3
- i think there was a bit of a disconnect between them at the start because giselle was the newest member & ningning was the oldest and they didn’t really get a chance to bond outside of practice, but it's very clear that ningning really admires giselle ^-^
- they have been getting a lot closer recently though and i’m glad for all the cute interactions we get to see on camera. like this whole compilation of giselle just going heart eyes @ ningning
winter + ningning ⭐🦋
- MAKNAE LINE!!!! a.k.a. my absolute favourite line in any group
- winter and ningning together is like.. fucking evil because they’re both so good at getting what they want from looking innocent. but this also means that they’re completely immune to each other
- case in point: them being absolutely unable to take each other seriously (laughing during photoshoots, ningning failing to compliment winter, winter failing to compliment ningning)
- they’re EXTREMELY HYPERACTIVE. the difference between how unnie line act vs them screaming and crying 😭
- their entire interactions during huya lives are hilarious honestly because both winter and ningning are super competitive except they keep laughing & getting distracted
- they always match each other’s energy no matter what, if ningning wants to be extra about something then best believe that winter will make it a point to be twice as dramatic
- THIS WHOLE THING???? these two are TRULY INSANE
- winter saying that ningning is the most spontaneous is so cute + sums up their dynamic pretty well because they just do all the things that they can’t do with the unnies
- examples: riding rollercoasters, watching horror movies, going on swan-boats? apparently? are you guys gay?
- i know i called winrina tom & jerry but winter & ningning are more fitting for it tbh… it’s because unlike karina, ningning refuses to fall for winter’s pouting tricks simply because she uses the same ones
